Marriage has its foundation from the creation of the world. When God created Adam, His divine foresight dictated to Him that Adam needed a companion, a “help meet”. Thus, He took one rib from Adam to manufacture Eve with. From that time, marriage was established.
Before any marriage takes place, there must be LOVE between the man and the woman. God made LOVE so strong that it always draws man and woman to each other to the extent that marriage finally results.
If the phenomenon called LOVE has such a magnetic pull to draw man and woman together, to enable them, solemnly vow that they will be together “till depart parts them”, then why must divorces keep on increasing almost in geometrical progression?
Our elders think there is something called “odo ntentan” (Love -web) that mysteriously “blinds” lovers during the process of courtship.
This means that, none of them recognizes any type of repellent attitude characteristic of the other. The two lovers simply overlook each other’s faults. They consider themselves as infallible Angels and do their own thing, ignoring, even, some pieces of advice from parents and other bystanders who may have some constructive warning admonition to give them.
To speak out of the sincerity of my heart, if I am asked to name one of the dangerous situations in life, I will not, indeed, hesitate to say, it is MAN-WOMAN LOVE; it is so faux! Despite the fact that, it was our Gracious God, who planted the instincts of love in man and woman, because He himself is LOVE (1 John 4:8), the almighty man has made it fake!
God intended marriage to be everlasting, hence the marriage vow, “…till death doth us part.” If so, why is it that our law courts are saturated with divorce cases? It is partly due to the fact that, during courtship, a lot of lies are told by some men in their bid to woo their ladies. This, together with the effects of the “love web”, leaves some women helpless and they agree to the ultimate – marriage.
Influence of Money
Financial influence always wins in love affairs. Men have naturally come to accept the fact that women love money. Thus a man dying for the love of a woman exaggerate his status and portrays himself as one of the global billionaires, which he knows he is not.
In reality, women are not at fault to fall victim to such juicy traps.
They know they are leaving the comfort and care of their parents to be under the same roof with their husbands, who are expected to care properly for them. Thus, when what they were promised during courtship is not forthcoming, they start to advise themselves.
Cheating In Marriage
The love existing between a man and woman during courtship may dim, after marriage, when the “love –web” has cleared off their eyes to bring them face-to-face with the reality that they are incompatible.
Both of them may be the cheating types and so tempers are always high.
Thus they cannot successfully discuss problems in the family for solution.
Beauty without Character
Some men may make choice of a wife based on beauty without studying her for some time, during courtship. But the immortal Shakespeare warns that “All that glitters is not gold.” It is also said that “Beauty fades, but character endures”. Some women are brought up by indulgent parents, who pamper them to the extent that they are found wanting in keeping a home. If she has a maid, she is unable to supervise the poor girl’s daily chores and things may “fall apart”.
There is also the possibility of the maid supplanting her mistress!
It also happens sometimes that a wife pampered by indulgent parents is not satisfied with what the husband gives her. There was news items some years back that a wife was divorcing her husband because she was asking for a bigger car, which he could not afford. A senseless demand.
One of the global ironic situations is murders involving husbands and wives. These are the same people who, during courtship, seriously vowed, in some cases, with their blood, to stay together in love till death separated them.
Some husbands murder their wives due to unfaithfulness or vice versa; refusal of the wife to give in to his sexual advances can result fatally. Apart from these two glaring reasons, others cannot easily be seen which is very sad indeed.
Recently, a news report indicated that a Queen mother has suggested that, women can propose to men. I differ, Nana! Apart from the fact that it is against our culture, it will also enslave wives. Now that men themselves sweat to propose to women, look at what some husbands cruelly do to their wives. Just imagine, therefore, what husbands will do to the wives, who make the proposal. They will treat their wives like dirt and when the wives protest the husbands would just retort “ I did not come for you; it was you who imposed your dirty self on me! You can leave now and I will never miss you!”
Since God saw that everything He had created including the Institution of Marriage was good, let us be grateful to HIM by making our marriages work. To this end, men should be careful to choose their matrimonial partners. Women, too, should not base their acceptance of marriage proposals on how wealthy the men are.
Our father and Mothers of yore could marry for many years, till death separated them. Why can’t we do same even, in this era of enlightenment, to spell out peaceful co-existence among partners, children and grandchildren?
Love and marriage can be sweetest things on earth if given their genuine meaning.
By Godfried K. Arhen-Kumi