Rapid Results College Approach Can Be Acceptable
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for me and my shordies, we are do fine.
Senior, are you are following the happenings in that hamlet in this Yahweh bless our village land, Ogyakrom, called Koranza? It is in that region where people can cultivate and eat banchi-akesie aka big, big plantain.
Senior, you heard about the cacophony of noises coming out of that hamlet and in fact the truth be told, a certain Koranzanese was walking his somewhere and chanced upon some people in black who seem to be mourning their dead okusie.
Senior, upon approaching the mourners this guy man who loves betting a lot and thus was outdoor with the name All-Bet, saw that each and every one of them had bunches of plantain carefully tucked into the pockets, front back, side and top.
Senior, a closer look at the plantains made him identified the farm where they were from. They were from his side chic’s uncle’s farm and are been forced to relocate to a yet to be known destination.
Senior, All-Bet then started shouting, “Eeeiii, I will tell! I will tell! I will tell!!!”Suddenly the men in black descended upon him and beat the morning dawn lights out of his system.
Senior, All-Bet would not be moved and proclaimed that since he was a member of the Katolici clan, he was ready to die for the truth, just as his Lord and Saviour, Yesu Christus Emmanuel died for the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
Senior, they say where persuasion fails, then force. But in the case where force comes first then it will become, where force fails, persuasion. So, the men in black, knelt down and made the sign of the cross, saying, “bless us akupa, for we have sinned. It is about one hundred and eighty moons since our last confession, and we are here to confess that we indeed took these plantains without the knowledge of their master and without the consent of the plantains themselves.”
Senior, All-Bet told them he had absolved their sins in the Name of Yahweh, His Son Yesu Christus and His Spiritus Sanctus. They were to go and sin there no more. For their forgiveness to be assented to by Yahweh, they were to do penance. And for their penance they were to put all the plantains back on the branches they were hanging on, as if no one had touched them.
Senior, this angered the men in black, small. It was beneath them, in the first place to confess their sins and now that they have reluctantly done so, they are being asked to return the plantains. “Whow!!!” they combined What with How.
Senior, All-Bet’s insistence that the penance must be done by fire by force, made the men in black to decide on the decision that since All-Bet was insisting that the right thing must be done, he must be a good person and since only good people acquire visas to Heaven, where they get eternal stay and permanent resident permits, he does not belong to ewiase here on earth, in this world. He must therefore join the Elect in the Kingdom of Yahweh by the Holy Spirit’s fire.
Senior, these men in black did the unthinkable and transferred All-Bet into a ghost. As in they truncated his life here and made him go into the life hereafter.
Senior, when this story got to All-Bet’s kindred, behold there were wailing and mourning and gnashing and grinding of teeth. Seven days of mourning was declared and every family member was ordered that when using the drying lines, they should dry cloths at half-mast during these seven days.
Senior, All-Bet’s uncle, who is a Roman Father of the Roman Katolici Church and also the spiritual director of the clan, was consulted so that he could consult Yahweh to find out from the Most High, whether All-Bet’s death was natural or unnatural, fake or true, artificial or real and also name the names of all those who killed him.
Senior, All-Bet’s uncle who goes by the name Father Mat-Maths, went into the presence of Yahweh and sought permission to transform all the killers of his nephew into ghosts as quickly as possible so that they can join the last train to hell.
Senior, what Yahweh told him did not sweet his ears. Yahweh told him to forgive and forget and fast, pray and give alms so that these callous killers will make a “U-Turn” in life and know and follow Yahweh.
Senior, very disappointment, Father Mat-Maths decided to consult some rapid results lesser gods to quickly get what he had wanted. He openly announced that he was going to consult Kpelekpedzi (the stone god), Amekadziavu (the god who books no nonsense and always demands, who born dog) and Kanfi (Say ‘fi’- the god who will attack you immediately you open your mouth) to handle these killers.
Senior, all these gods declined to help because, they thought Father Mat-Maths was luring them into a clash with Yahweh. In fact, they have vowed never to cross Yahweh’s path ever again and here now comes Yahweh’s servant to give them an assignment which only Yahweh can do.
Senior, Father Mat-Maths decided to consult other lesser gods, but unfortunately for him every fetish grove he visited, he was told the gods have gone on accumulated leave. It turned out that the first three gods he consulted went about warning their colleagues that a certain somebody who he knows that temptation is inevitable but woe on the one tempts, yet has decided to disobey Yahweh’s bye-law and tempt the gods into committing offence against the Most High.
Senior, Father Mat-Maths was contemplating doing sabbatical in the offices of the lesser gods, but they saw through this fast and they quickly responded that there was no vacancy available to get him some job at the shrines, not even cleaning job. He was viewed to have bad mind and his intention was to put the lesser gods in collusion with the Almighty, the Most High Yahweh.
Senior, the fear of the lesser gods was that, they recalled sometime way back when they were they and were powerful angels in Heaven, they plotted a coup against Yahweh, something they regrated doing to this day, but because of vain pride they will not openly say it. During the coup attempt, Yahweh sent Free SHS angels and new recruits to fight off these powerful, well trained and well-equipped rebels.
Senior, the rest is history. The rebels were beaten black and blue like it was as if they were day-nursery kids been taught, My First Copy Book.
Senior, if even they were beaten and left in Heaven with their ranks and benefits all marked down to zero, they would have loved that. But, apart from the beatings they were driven out of Yahweh’s Kingdom and made to lodge in a rough and deserted wilderness, where there is no locust and wild honey to eat, like the wilderness John the Baptist lodged in.
Senior, the lesser gods were on their guard because this Father Mat-Maths want to resurrect the fight between Yahweh and them, fight which they underestimated the power of Yahweh and got beaten up severely by small, small pikin angels… daabida! Once beaten, a million times shy.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry, I am Done.
It’s Me!
