Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? I hope you and your all are all do fine, just as me and my mines are do fine.
Senior, it has come to my notice and notice has come to me, that some people have managed to get the letters I write to you and they read but because they are ye people of little faith, they have brains but cannot understand, why I write how I write.
Senior, in case you no them, sorry know them, explain to them the relationship between us. On the other hand, if you don’t, then they must be advised that when they secretly read someone’s letter, they should not comment on it.
Senior, to this group, permit me to explain why I write to you, my Senior.
“Oh, All Ogyakrom, Hear Me and Listen: When I attended the University of New Juaben aka Pope John’s Secondary School and Seminary, in Effiduase, Koforidua in the seventies, I encountered many seniors, some interesting, others not so interesting; some very nice to associate with, others who avoid like a plague and maintain more than social distance; some are jovial and others are always serious as if someone has taken away their girlfriends.
“Among the seniors, stood out one tall slim fellow, outdoor and given the Priestly, Holy and Royal name of Peter adding to his surname Opoku,by his father, but rather chose to title himself, Opupulepu. One unique thing about Senior Opupulepu, was that he was always announcing his missingsix-millimetre-longpencil.
And times without number, when students are quietly studying in the evening, Snr Opupulepu will bust in and announce that his pencil was missing and asked anyone who saw it, to return it to him. His pencil was never found and Snr Opupulepu, left the school after his O’ Levels.
“Even though he left campus, the name Snr Opupulepu was on the lips of many and to this day, many who encountered him on campus, remembers the name Opupulepu, but have forgotten the name his father gave him, which is in the school records.
“In honour of this hero, who brought out joy and laughter in everyone especially his juniors, one who camouflaged his gentle soul and meek face with a mask of seriousness, which instead of scaring the young ones away, rather drew them to his side, I decided to secretly write to him in a style which he will definitely understand.
“I therefore chose to write a satire and by definition, a satire is a way of criticizing people or ideas in a humorous way. To add more humour, I chose to write in a style of using typical Ghanaian English and borrowing some statements from the famous Abosam Fireman series by the famous Professor Yankah.
Going on, I go through lengths calling some people by names similar to their actual names. In Abosam Fireman for example, Lamptey was called Lamptailand Justice Kingsley Nyinah was called Madam Queensley’s husband.
“In my situation, here, I called H.E. President Nana Akufo Addo, the Great Leopard, since he is from the Okyene (Leopard) stool of Akyem Abuakwa; and Nana Onsurowuo (He-That-Does-Not-Fear-Death)Owuobiayeowuo (All-Die-Be-Die.)”
“The Ghanaian Chronicle took the right decision in publishing this page, ‘Letter to Senior Opupulepu’ on Fridays, which ends the working week. And this column is to make people relax, read, laugh and energise for the following week.
“As a satire, I am allowed to commit grammatical errors and write things in styles that only seek to create the fun a satire is meant for.”
Having explained the reason for the Letters to Senior Opupulepu, I will want people to look at them for the fun they contain and not look out for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. Actually, this is not my style of writing as the opinions and features I share in the Ghanaian Chronicles will testify.
I will urge all Ghanaians and the rest of the world to always patronise the Ghanaian Chronicle for the truth and also for fun and relaxation. The Ghanaian Chronicle has been known as, the ‘Paper That Tells Us The Truth They Do Not Want Us To Hear.’ And Letter to Senior Opupulepu is the fun you need to have.
So, may I continue with my Senior?
Senior, I have given it those konkonsa people who goeth all the time to read other pipols’, letters. And yes, I heard that there was lot casting in a certain hamlet in the province where people can brag like nobody’s business. That hamlet which is where Kuma-Died, had succeeded in killing their Municipal Police, because he was an Abban and would never take or give bribe, hence needed a replacement.
Senior, before the lot casting the Umbrella clan had revealed that their clan gods claimed the Umbrellas were going to win all the lots.
Senior, lo and behold, the results arrived and nothing indicated that the Umbrellas showed up at the lot casting rituals.
Senior, since the Umbrellas had seriously prepared to jubilate because their clan gods claim they had won the lot casting in the spiritual realm, they are celebrating and jubilating in defeat to this very day. Can you send someone to tell them their clan gods lied to them?
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
It’s me !