“Do You Know Who Am As?”
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? I hope you are do fine, fine. As for me and my lectors, we are all do, fine, fine.
Senior, hmmm…. matter land in the Bragging Hamlet. Every time, I say that the Ogyakromians who sprout from the Kum-Tree-Under, can brag like nobody’s business, people think it is because I have no one to insult that is why I turned unto these peaceful, peace-perfect-peace people.
Senior, recently some matter happened in the hamlet of the Kum-Tree-Under. And how can I begin? Okay, let me start from somewhere.
Senior, a certain foreman who is in charge of small, small pickins who just completed their pencil and chalk lessons and want some by-day labourer work to do so that they learn how to work well, when they get work.
Senior, this foreman has a pikin who is more brilliant than him and she wants become a dorkita while this our foreman was still doing foreman work, crediting groundnuts from groundnuts sellers. Please I said, he credits groundnuts, I have never mentioned yorke gari. If you read here that I mentioned that he credited yorke gari then go and check your eye sights. Me, I do want trouble.
Senior, this dorkita back-born was allocated an aspitle in Kum-Tree-Under, where she started practising how to give prescriptions.
Senior, this thing went into her heard too much that she decided to start writing prescriptions like how proper dorkitas write prescriptions.
Senior, one fine morning, a certain babone who was sick and reported to the aspitle, with his mother, was analysed, evaluated, interrogated and investigated by this Dortita Small. When it got to writing prescription for the small pikin, this inexperienced, half-baked dorkita, received a message from her One-And-Only’s side chic, who hailed insults at her for taking up all the time with her own bosom boyfriend.
Senior, thinking that she was in the classroom she picked pen and paper to write something to this husband, sorry, boyfriend snatcher. And she wrote her something.
Senior, unfortunately she was writing on the prescription form and when she finished, she handed over to the sick boy’s mama.
Senior, the woman did not understand what was written since she could never comprehend how these words could be the family names of drugs.
Senior, Mama Small Boy, gave the prescription to nearest nurse nearby, who God been so good, was also recently insulted by her boyfriend’s side chic. She took the prescription, turn the writings into her eyes’ path and she saw and understood.
Senior, she knew where this was coming from and having had such experiences so many times since class five, she knew how best to handle the situation.
Senior, she relocated her GPS location and found herself in front of Dorkita Small. She exchanged her pleasantries by saying “Agooo, efia ha.” And Dorkita Small responded “Ameabontin hor.”
Senior, she politely explained the reasons for her visit and went on to suggest that the prescription that the small dorkita, had prescribed would rather give the small boy broken heart at an age when he does not know love, to even know broken heart.
Senior, Dorkita Small was in her elements and was ready to give it to anybody especially women because a woman is teaching her boyfriend how to cheat. Now standing in front of her was this beautiful curvy miamiakro nurse who looked like her rival, coming looking for her trouble.
Senior, she told the nurse something and the nurse also returned the gesture in good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over. After all she can remember her memory verses.
Senior, this Dorkita Small, who has never in her life been insulted before, was taken aback and completely confused, sent WhatsApp to her father the foreman, to informed him that for the first time in her life someone had insulted her.
Senior, this foreman arrived at the aspitle santam! And went on insulting spree. He started by asking the nurse, “Do you know who am as?”“You damn foolishie, burgey”“What subject did you study in skuul?”
Senior, the nurse politely responded, “I studied, human biology, anatomy, physiology, quantitative analysis, titration of reproductive fluids to check the quantity of organic fertilizers in women and the strength of seamen in men…Can I continue?”
Senior, the man knew he has met his meeter, but still, a braggart as he is, he continued, never willing to accept defeat. “Useless subjects, while brainy people like me are studying Ga, Twi and Dagbani, and majoring in dondonlogy and how to sweep under mango trees and chop bars, look the subjects you are calling.”
Senior, he run back home without announcing his departure and confronted his daughter. “But you do you not know that that nurse knows book more than me and you called me to face her? You children of now a days.”
Senior, as for this small dorkita, she should mind how she treks. She is not a dorkita yet, but she wants to be like a seasoned and astute dorkita. It is like a recruit professional thief slapper who is put on patrol practicals and there and then, he starts receiving something small from people who he should have arrested and dumped into counter-back.
Senior, as for me I am Dan, sorry I am done.
It’s me!
