Opinion

Letter to Senior Opupulepu (163) The Rights and Lefts of Our Alexander the Great!

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Opinion

Dear Senior Opupulepu,

How are you do? I hope you are do fine, fine. As for me and my house, we are all do fine, fine.

Senior, it makes like you have read or heard about a certain main-man called Alexander the Great. He is that guy man who set to conquer all villages in front of him and he did conquer them all.

Senior, here in Ogyakrom, we have an Alexander the Great reincarnated, but this time round this Alexander is only Great for all the wrong reasons.

Senior, a certain guy man who is from the province where people brag and brag for anything and about anything. If they are hungry, they brag; if they are belly full, they brag; if they beat someone in a fight, if they are beaten up well, well to pulp, they will brag. Oh yes, these villagers can brag as if they only have the jeans, sorry genes that can make people to brag, life without end.

Senior, this our Alexander the Great who is not that Great goes by the sacred name of Osofo Kantanka but here unfortunately, he is not in the same profession and occupation of the great men and women of Yahweh, like Kowus Bumper, Somebody Knows, Niger Glacier and all those fake and false persons who announce Yahweh’s agenda to humankind. And neither is he related to the popular concert party, Kantanka, even though he seems to act as if he is an actor in that comedy show.

Senior, this Osofo Kantanka, went into battle or should I say the Great Leopard our Omanhene Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo, knighted him and commissioned him into battle to win lots for himself so that he can become the supreme head of assembly and unit committee members and all of the land including all humans, animals, vegetations, huts, wells, boreholes, chop bars, hot-hot spots as in apio bars and everything in, on and above that part of the village land.

Senior, if our Alexander the Great, Osofo Kantanka were to win lots in that plot of land in the village, he would be ordained and enthroned as Nana Onsurowuo’s sole representative there and his duties among others will be to collect taxes on behalf of Nana. I hear, this is the reason why some people will do anything to land that position. Because they will work like the tax collectors during Yesu Christus’ time. They will decide what to collect, collect what they want and pay what they want to the Omanhene. This job is fund generating and many are those who use this as a platform to announce their arrival at the VIP level. By VIP, I am not referring to those big tro-tro buses which run from hamlet to hamlet.

Senior, our Alexander the Great, became great for all the wrong reasons, which I stated earlier. Instead of first conquering the people before resourcing them, he resourced them first and each was able to hire iron donkeys for the first time in their life and they assembled together as assembly members to decide what to do to him and for him.

Senior, you see these mborowa assembly men and women and children, when they saw money, they also felt they had arrived. Now they will be called to chair harvests in their churches and make very big pledges which they will redeem within a week, because they have money.

Senior, when they assembled, instead of taking a unanimous decision to cast all the lots in our Alexander the Great’s favour, they rather used that opportunity to talk about how bad he was, he is and forever be.

Senior, some even remembered how he used to thief colleagues’ gums and pencils when he was in skuul under trees. Some remembered how he outsmarted them and took from them, daughters of Eve they had targeted to go for better, for worse with.

Some remembered how he did so many bad-bad things and so they all decided to take a decision.

Senior, some of the one hundred and fifty assembly man and women gathered at that meeting, said our Alexander the Great was to be given only one lot in his favour and 149 against. Some people said “abaa, oh hooo” and begged and beg until they all agreed to give our Alexander the Great just ten lots.

Senior, and seriously these people looked our Alexander the Great in the eye and gave him only ten lots in his favour and one hundred and forty lots against. No, it cannot be, so they counted and recounted and recounted what they recounted but still, it was 10 for, 140 against.

Senior, a delegation was sent to Nana’s palace to plead for mercy and compassion so that our Alexander the Great could have a go at the go again. And Nana who is very compassionate asked the assembly to rethink what they did and go back to cast lots for his man, our Alexander the Great.

Senior, this our life version of Alexander the Great repeated his mistakes again. First, he gave each of the assembly members a brown average size envelope full of cowries. This time round he gave each and every person a human size Ghana-Must-Go bag full off the 200 division of cowries. Can you imagine? He turned those assembly men and women into instant billionaires and made them become like his co-equals and as such they became independent minded.

Senior, they instantaneously became sharp brains and started analysing things analytically. Puting two and two together, they saw danger coming. If our Alexander the Great gets the nod, he will collect back every cowry he gave them and even more and they will be poorer than poverty itself.

Senior, they did their thing some again but this time they gave our Alexander the Great, who is now great for all the wrong reasons, six lots for and one hundred and forty-four lots against.

Senior, the thing pained our Alexander the Great so much so that, he started cursing but the gods decided not to mind him. He never poured libation to them let along slaughter fowl for them to chop KFC some, now what does he want?

Senior, our Alexander the Great went ahead and openly demanded his cowries back. But everyone of the assembly members he confronted swore that he or she was among the six who voted for him.

Senior, all of a sudden, that Chief Professional Thief Slapper and our School Prefect who Omanhene saddled on us started smiling and when any of these two smile then it means trouble and here the two were smiling at the same time as they announced to Alexander the Great Osofo Kantanka to proceed immediately to their offices and explain why disciplinary measures should not be taken against him for resourcing people before they do the work they were supposed to do.

Senior, the two smiling faces decided that our Alexander the Great was to choose whose office he will visit first.

Senior, as we speak, Alexander the Great is on his knees begging the gods to show which of the two smiling faces he should visit first, meaning which slap should he collect first.

Senior, let us see what comes out. I am Dan, sorry I am Done.

Its Me.

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