A new public coarseness epidemic that’s happening everywhere—restaurants, doctor’s office waiting rooms, bathrooms, public transportation, grocery stores—is upon us, and I need to write about it.
People are walking around using their phones as walkie-talkies, holding them to their mouths as if they’re munching on a cookie. It’s as if the unwritten rule of being discreet and respectful of others has been thrown out the window.
When I’m out and about, I don’t need to hear your conversation; neither you nor your conversation is relevant to me. Whether I’m in line for coffee, waiting at the dentist, or grabbing a quick bite in the mall’s food court, your speakerphone call is an intrusion invading my personal space. Portable devices were never intended for public broadcasts. I can’t think of a single excusable reason to use your speakerphone in public, whether it’s to touch base with a friend,listen to music, play a game, or while to your kid’s watch their favourite YouTube cartoon channel.
Besides adding unwanted noise to public spaces, it shows a troubling level of narcissism. Why are some people comfortable with strangers overhearing their conversations? Then there’s the audio-visual offenders, the person on FaceTime at the next table in a restaurant or scrolling through Instagram Reels while sitting across from you in the library. The worse offenders, those who conduct virtual meetings in coffee shops while those around them are trying to read or (gasp) have an actual conversation.
Through my observations and interactions, it’s clear that manners and common courtesy are being tossed aside in favour of self-centred behaviour fuelled by a sense of entitlement, resulting in an increasing number of people feeling comfortable using their speakerphone in public spaces. Why do you want me, a stranger, to hear everything about your son’s recent doctor’s appointment while we’re both in the cereal aisle at Loblaw’s? Are you seeking attention and, like many on social media, who post their life struggles, challenges and “sad news,” empathy from strangers?
What gives?
Smartphones have made it easy to entertain ourselves even when there’s a hint of possible boredom on the horizon, or to act as a distraction from everyday stresses, troubles in the world, which the media ensures you never forget exist, social pressures, and whatever problems you may be facing. Additionally, there’s fear of missing out (FOMO) and doom-scrolling, which constantly keeps your anxiety in the yellow or red zone.
Why would someone choose to use their speakerphone in public or watch a video without headphones? The answer is simple: they’re only thinking of themselves, oblivious to those around them.
Some try to justify their obnoxious behaviour by pointing out that iPhones no longer have a headphone jack. True, starting with the iPhone 7, Apple removed the headphone jack to streamline its design, free up internal space, improve water resistance, and promote the use of wireless headphones and earbuds—like Apple’s AirPods—which enable you to hear better while being considerate of others. If you don’t have earbuds, then show some courtesy by stepping away.
As the concept of freedom from constraint becomes increasingly desirable, particularly for younger generation, the conscious thought that what one does directly affects others, including seemingly harmless behaviour, such as how loudly we talk on our phones or watch videos, or more impactful actions, such as cyberbullying and trolling on social media sites, is becoming less of a concern. We live in a time when the mindset of “If it suits me, why shouldn’t I?” is prevalent, overlooking the fact that everything we say and do has an impact on others.
Essentially, many people view those around them as NPCs (non-playable characters) while imagining themselves as the main character. This inflated self-worth leads them to believe the world revolves around them, so why bother considering others’ presence or personal space?
With the advent of smartphones as a mass and affordable technology, taking a call—”I need to take this”—and then having a conversation in public is your ego saying, “I’m important! People want my friendship, knowledge, and expertise!” Seriously? How important are your conversations? When you’re on your phone in public—whether you’re holding it to your ear or appear to be eating a cookie—you’re projecting a ‘look at me’ vibe.
Social media has infiltrated every aspect of our lives, influencing our behaviour and norms, generally in a grandiose manner. We’ve become accustomed to broadcasting our thoughts and actions, often unfiltered, into the world. It’s no wonder this ‘everything about me needs to be public’ ethos has seeped into our offline lives.
In fairness, each of us has a personal perception of minor annoyances. In the grand scheme of things, a person misusing their smartphone on a bus isn’t nearly as disrespectful as someone texting while driving, which can have dire consequences for them and the innocent people around them. Come to think of it, smartphones have created more pressing “public space” concerns, dealing with the husbandon his speakerphone in the cereal aisle, asking his wife whether she wants Cheerios or Honeycomb will have to wait.
By Nick Kossovan
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Nick Kossovan, a self-described connoisseur of human psychology, writes about what’s
on his mind from Toronto. You can follow Nick on X/Twitter and Instagram
@NKossovan.
