Letter to Senior Opupulepu (233)

Abban Subsidises Food!!!

Dear Senior Opupulepu,

How are you do? As for me and my all, we are all do fine, thank you.

Senior, the other day I visited the hamlet of Ejura and went to the market and things that I saw, hmmm, it resembles your eyes, it does not resemble your telling.

Senior, five giant size koobi as in salted tilapia was going for just a hundred cowries. When I say giant size, I mean Goliath size, not David size. The size that when it is grilled in the capital hamlet, one will cost one and a half hundred cowries. And at Ejura, five of those are sold together for one hundred cowries.

Senior, one amelika of palm fruits, not the one used in producing nsaafoforo as in local Champagne, I mean palm wine, but fruits like mango but cannot be eaten like mango, cost a mere fifteen cowries.

As for gari, you dare not buy, because ten cowries of gari in Ejura will require the services of a kayayo to carry on her head to your iron donkey. And as for maize, it is also so cheap, that you buy one bowl you get five free, as ntoso.

Senior, could it be the fruits of the labour of our Omanhene’s ex-former foreman of hoe and cutlass affair, the local witch doctor who always plays Alokoto?

That man know magic well-well and can one be surprised? His father was once a loudspeaker of three powerful chiefs and he might have engaged in affairs of the spiritual realm and certainly passed it on to his pickin, who chose to be witch doctor and from there he could cure diseases affecting foodstuffs and food animals and make them grow well, well increasing and multiplying plenty, plenty like how the Jewish people increased and multiplied in Egypt.

Senior, in such areas, food is so cheap that with just a few cowries, one could organise a buffet party. I remember some friend of mine, bi, called Dela who was born, bread and buttered in the capital hamlet of Ogyakrom and was used to spending lots of cowries on mere half plate of food.

Senior, one day, Dela found himself in the hamlet which can be found under the Kuma Tree and was very hungry. He entered inside a bush canteen and the aroma made him hungrier the more.

He stood in front of the maame who sat behind pans of soups and fufu, banku and face-the-wall. Using his experience from the capital hamlet and relating it to the emptiness in his stomach, he applied for, sorry, ordered fufu and lightweight soup with small meat, calling out the same cowries he would have used if in the capital.

Senior, when he was done, a macho Konongo kaya was asked to carry his bowl of food to his table. Everybody eating there decided not to mind their business but look at where he was going to store that food.

Senior talking about food, a certain Municipal Police from the Umbrella clan from Busa South kiosk by name Abaase Attack, woke up one morning to wake us up, rudely from bed and told us in the face, Nana Owuobiayeowuo, has increased the cost of plate for the skuul pupils of Ogyakrom to one and a half cowries, and so?

Senior, Abaase Attack, screamed. “Who-Born-Dog, food of this price cannot reach the throat of a mouse, let alone a cat!” He called on all and sundry, sundry and all to reject this figure and show the powers of Ogyakrom where power lies.

Senior, Abaase Attack was angered that the Great Leopard could only increase the cost of plate from ninety pesos to one and a half cowries, saying even if one shopped at Ejura market, that amount cannot fill the stomach inside of a hungry koborlor pikin who had decided that because of free feeding, he will enter classroom inside.

Senior, all said and Dan, sorry, all said and done, who used to pay ninety pesos per plate? Was it not the Umbrella clan when they were our landlords? Was it not the Umbrellas who made fasting a compulsory elective practical subject for all pupils in Ogyakrom, so that they can speak in tongues and so therefore, they prepared for them meal that cost not more than ninety pesos?

If the Great Leopard had decided to increase it by sixty pesos to one and a half cowries, why should somebody from the Umbrella clan complain? What prevented them from achieving this feat? Or is the Umbrella clan envious of the Elephant clan who are doing things they, the Umbrellas could never do?

Senior, this is how things are going on forward in this Yahweh blessed our house land, Ogyakrom.

Senior, the whole show is similar to this. When an akupa sights a beautiful daughter of Eve and makes approaches upon approaches but he is rejected, you will hear the bounced guy man, saying angrily, “After all you are not beautiful. I wanted to do a favour to enhance your credibility in the hamlet, by making you my sweetie-sweetie, muah-muah!” Of course, the pride of man should not be disgraced, “Who born mouse?”

Senior, how dare the Umbrellas to talk against an achievement they have never achieved, before in life?

Senior, I am Dan, sorry, I am Done.

It’s me!


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