To Yahweh be the Lowest, Sayeth the Long Noses!
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for and my all, we are all do fine, thank you.
Senior, I am very confusing. In fact, I am not understanding, these Long-Noses villagers in the ewiasethat we live in it.
Senior, before-before when we the entire villagers of Ogyakrom and beyond, lived and worshipped lesser gods and respected law they decreed.
Senior, the basic law was on morality. Those days woe betides you to look at a daughter with your eyes going sexy, sexy and she raised alarm. You will find yourself in the odikro’s palace answering questions as to why disciplinary actions should be taken against you, for looking at a woman, k3k33, with eyes doing you like you have drunk a calabash full of ogyateshie.
Senior, in fact, such looks are only meant for those in for-better-for-worse relationship or intending to.
Senior, morality was the cornerstone of a highly disciplined community. And that it was only after age eighteen, that daughters of Eve were assembled to dance and walk around half naked and made to sit on stones to determine their virginity or otherwise.
Those who passed the virginity tests where highly honoured and their bride prices can make Bill Gates go and get loan from the bank. Those, who failed were not asked to repeat the class or try again, but would have their families, bringing sheep, goats, donkeys, horses and camels to beg and pacify the gods, at the same time pleading guilty without explanation.
Senior, our before-before gods, knowing how weak sons of Adams were and are, decreed that to maintain morality, man can marry as many daughters of Eve as he wants. This made man have variety of choices every evening, instead of chasing after small, small girls or some other men’s for-better-for-worse.
Senior, the problem here was that the gods forgot to make any arrangements for akupas, since their choices were almost always taken by men of ancient ages. So in order to prevent akupas going after akupas as substitutes, the gods decreed that no man must get too close to another man as he would to woman when they are doing the thing and the same applied to women. When one wants to do the thing, he or she must look the opposite sex.
Senior, so it was until one fine day, some strange-strangers, landed on our shores and opened a certain book, which only they could read and brought us the Good News. From this book, all our methods of maintaining morality, were certified as correct. That book was mainly about Yesu Christus Emmanuel.
Senior, many of our ancestors left the worshipping of our lesser gods and turned to this new God, called Yahweh, because everything in His book was sweet and He does not collect fees, like fowls, sheep, goats, donkeys and camels, with kegs of palm wine and a gallon of ogyateshie with cowries of over and above quantity.
Senior, these strange-strangers who introduced Yahweh to us, came with a small casualty. It was now, one-man, one-woman. According to the Holy Book, no man should marry more than one woman and no woman should marry more than one woman.
Senior, this was how things became and all of Ogyakrom and beyond worshipped Yahweh in spirit and in truth, singing songs of praises and adoration.
Senior, it was generations after generations, when the Long Noses came back again to say that there was some typographical error in the Holy Book, which was corrected by Yahweh, Himself. Lo and behold, they claimed that from now onwards tomorrow to go, an akupa can chop off his something so that he can wear slit and kaba and become a daughter of Eve, and a daughter of Eve can cover her something with a covering that projects water hose and cover it up with djokoto shorts and become a son of Adam.
Senior, the Long Noses also added that an akupa and another akupa can lay down and do the thing as if it were a man and woman doing it. So, also a daughter of Eve and another daughter of Eve can do what only men and women do together beneath the sheets in darkness.
Senior, the whole world of Ogyakrom and surrounding villages are in the state of confusion, disbelief and wanting of common sense to understand what the Long Noses are saying Yahweh said.
Senior, the first village in Obibiman to challenge Yahweh’s Word is the village which an Idiot once ruled. I mean the land of You-Gun-Dat. The omanhene, Kabaka Museum-Raining, assembled all his village folks and with the chief fetish priest on his right and queen fetish priestess on his left, he called on all the lesser gods of the land after calling Yahweh by His Name, and announced that any You-Gun-Dat villager, who knowingly or unknowingly violate the acts of sexual morals, will be forced to cut his or her own throat in the village square.
Senior, some leaders of the Long Noses are saying this is violation of human rights. But what is human right for humans to behave in such uncivilized behaviour that no animal will consider civilized.Or is it now, Yahweh be the lowest? Yahweh please don’t come down.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.