Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? I hope you are do fine, fine, just as me and my shordies are all do fine, fine.
Senior, I know that you are know about the game of spar, as in playing cards, and that if you must win it will depend on how you shuffle and re-shuffle the cards, before distributing them to your adversaries around the table.
Senior, whenever a player is shuffling and reshuffling the cards, each of the other players will focus on how he is doing it and yell at him if he is not doing it well.
Senior, one will hear, “shuffle the cards, again,” indicating that the cards should be reshuffled.
Senior, it is this reshuffle, reshuffling matter, that has landed at the foot of the stool of our Omanhene Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo, the Great Leopard.
Senior, for the first time in the history of Ogyakrom, every aplankeor messenger in charge of all the various asafo divisions directly under the charge of an Omanhene, has not be shuffled let along reshuffled.
Senior, the divisions include the lampo division, headed by Ofli-Actor, the momoniand koobi division headed by a certain beautiful Sweetie-Sweetie called How-Are-You, the path-cutting division headed by one Amokuie Actor, as in squirrel. He does not relate Ofli Actor.
Senior, the rest include, the division that takes care of people with chronic constipation as in hard stomach and diarrhoea as in jogging stomach. This is headed by Kweku Menu, the town-taker.
There is also the hut building division headed by a young man called I-Sense-You and another Sweetie-Sweetie, called Free-Dat. Please she is no free like what you are thinking. If you go and try to do your thing some on her, blame yourself for whatever you encounter.
Senior, I will end with these three. The one in charge of the arguments division, is a small boy, who loves playing the game of draught as in Dame. He still puts gari and sugar in his pocket when he is leaving home, just in case.
And another is to look after the division that looks at the professional thief slappers with one eye opened. This man is the only agyaba that likes Diary products.
Then we have the division in charge of whatever happens in other villages, whether it concerns us or not. This one too, is headed by a certain beautiful and shy lady, oh she is so beautiful and fair and she is called Cherry Ayorkorwuor, after a section of a hamlet called Teshie, as in Stone-Under.
Senior, this last aplanke was beautiful from birth. However, her skin was smooth alright but not like this. Initially, she speaks like a typical fishmonger, and walks like she is going to fight someone.
Senior, when the Omanhene, put her in charge of matters beyond Ogyakrom and she started going up-pion-down, up-pion-down, just like that, her smooth skin toned like an Indian princess, she started speaking like the late Ohenma Lizzy and even speaks better English than her.
Unlike before, before, when she was eating, she rushes through because she naaa, she had no time. These days when she is eating, after every bite, she will wipe her lips before chewing and until what is in her mouth had been well grinded and despatched down her Osofo-gus, she will not put any food in her mouth.
Senior, even though all the aplankeswere working hard and our Omanhene sees in them his winning hands, some enemies of progress, mostly from the Umbrella clan, have been shouting that they should be reshuffled like they are a pack of cards. But the Old pretended he did not hear.
Senior, it was later that some of us got to know the reason why. You see, these pack of human spars, sorry aplankes or messengers of our Omanhene like doing their job correct, correct.
They will not want to mix duty with pleasure and oh, one thing. They do not dash money by heart. In the case of Ofli Actor, the aplanke in charge of lampo, he always applies his favourite Sunday school memory verse, from Matthew’s Love Letter paragraph 13, line 12, which reads,“Whoever has will be given more, and they will have an abundance. Whoever does not have, even what they have will be taken from them.”
So, he will alwayscollect from the poor and needy and give to the rich and wealthy. He does not care, all that he cares is his salvation and he plans reciting this verse when he comes face to face with Saint Petro at Yahweh’s Kingdom gate, so that he enters the Kingdom without paying H-levy (Heaven-levy).
Senior, it was while the chorus was being sang louder and louder that we heard that the abusuapanyin of the Umbrella clan, Asi-Edu ke-Nkatie, reshuffled the clan members in the Municipal Assembly.
Senior, but instead of seeing joy and merrymaking in that clan, we have started seeing what they know how to do best; the 4-Cs:commotion, confusion, clashes and conflicts. When asked why, they are saying reshuffling is no good.
Senior, the very people who say our Omanhene should do reshuffling, when it happened to them they are saying reshuffling is not good. How can these be trusted?
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
Its Me
