Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? I hope you are do fine, fine. As me and my mine, we are all do fine, fine.
Senior, I have to recall your memories to those days when your Sweetie-Sweetie Muah-Muah would walk out on you, because some ugly man had appeared on the scene. What his looks could not steal and capture, his money would.
Senior, this your heartbeat, had promised you on her honour to be faithful and loyal to you all the days of her life, to be a mother to your children and wife to you.
Senior, but soon inflation entered the scene and the bowl of boiled cassava and green sauce, abomo for short that you used to buy for her for five cowries is now fifty cowries. And your darling like this dish more than a Hausa man like kola.
Senior, now the price of a simple bowl of boiled cassava with abomo which now has smaller piece of kobi tail, two miserable dry fish who are senior brothers of Chorkor rascals, and a few crab legs, which used to go for five cowries now goes for fifty cowries because of inflation. And that is for lower economy class.
Senior, to maintain standards you have not yet achieved just to impress this your future wife, you started buying boiled cassava and abomo on credit and please I am not talking about crediting yorke gari. Allow someone to rest in peace.
Senior, soon and very soon, your liabilities exceeded your assets and according to the financial theory of Ken the Free Tar, you should declare bankrupt and be liquidated.
Senior, soon, the Mame womaning the bush canteen, decided to withdraw services to you and vowed to visit your abusuapanin and seize your inheritance to offset the external loan you owed her.
Senior, so soon and very soon, you start giving excuses which do not hold water to your future wife.
Senior, every afternoon this your wife to be would just walk around that bush canteen social distancing herself,just to inhale the sweet aroma moving around in the air in and immediately around the canteen. She did this just to satisfy her heart’s desire and make her mind think that she had consumed a bowl of boiled cassava and abomo.
Senior, as for you, because of the debt you owed you kept a full village distance from the bush canteen. You just sat coolly waiting for your Sweetie-Sweetie Muah-Muah to come and just quarrel with you. You just wanted to hear her raging anger about your inability to be a man. She is certainly not referring to…..yah….you know what I mean?
Senior, one day a certain very ugly hungry man landed in the hamlet. He was in a very classy beautiful and expensive modern iron donkey, which in fact does not reconcile with his looks.
Senior, this guy man was very hungry and saw your baby standing somewhere, looking lonely. He called her and introduced himself as very new in town and very hungry. If she could show him where he could get a good meal, he will buy some for her. In fact, they will both eat together.
Senior, your baby thought Yahweh had smiled down on her that day, because she was starving more than the people in a war-torn famine area. She accepted the offer to sit in the iron donkey. She assumed she was in Heaven.
Senior, at the bush canteen, this ugly but wealthy man ordered double size first class dish of cassava and abomo which was meant for kings. Your baby ate everything up and licked the bowl. Mr Ugly Man, ordered take-away for her to take home. It was enough to feed her whole family.
Senior, as things went, your future wife started giving you social distance until one day you saw her in that ugly man’s vehicle, sitting, talking and laughing with him. When you confronted her later, she was honest to say that it was over between you and her.
Senior, your world collapsed. You have lost your future wife and you have a huge loan to pay while you have no money. Your buddies came to you to ask what happened.
Senior, in vain pride you told them, you are not moved at all, because a vehicle that you sat inside before, if it moves away and leaves you behind, you are not bothered.
Senior, some villagers served notice to the Great Leopard that since he decided not to level their footpaths, they will not cast lots for him ever again.
Senior, the Nana Onsurowuo, just laughed at the stupidity of those lamenting villagers and said, a bone shaker that you have sat inside before, if it moves away without you, you don’t gee. Moreso, he is not contesting the Omanhene stool again, so if they will not cast lots, they can sit at home. What stupidity supreme!
Senior, why is it that when people are angry they do not take their time before they speak? Our Omanhene is not contesting and so why threaten him with lot to be cast? And our Omanhene too, he must talk with humility small. Humility is free and carries no e-levy.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry I am done.