Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you and your family do? As for me and mine, we are all do fine.
Senior, are you know that Ogyakromian war general, who has no uniform? They say, his size is not inside the uniforms.
Senior, before I continue, are you aware that the congregation of baboons is jokingly called a congress? Senior, they say it is a joke, so if you will repeat this somewhere, then say it in the presence of people who like jokes. Thank me later.
Senior baboons we are told are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. In no relations to no group of Homo sapiens.
Senior, now this general who does not wear uniform is not obolo, but directly the opposite, for he is like pencil that has been sandpapered. But, not withstanding, he is a general who commands a large congress of some Homo sapiens.
Senior, you remember about the immediate past lot casting? That the Umbrella akupas had promised their daughters of Eve that they will win the lot casting for Onaapowura Nana Ontiaobiara, hands in the pocket?
Senior, you also remember that their daughters of Eve promised to warm their bellies once that victory became manifested? And surely you remember that when the chief fetish priestess Mama Gin, consulted the oracles,the gods spoke to Ogyakromians through her that our Omanhene Sir Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayewuo, used his tied hands to win, hands down?
Senior, you also remember that the Umbrella clan akupas, remembering that they were going to chop Bronya very dry, they went the way they know best, the“we no go sit down” way.
Senior, the akupas were very charged not necessarily because they had lost the lot casting, but because their beautiful daughters of Eve have decided to do them “bye-bye,” and worse of all, the most beautiful among them started acquiring dual citizenship to become full Elephants and Umbrellas at the same time.
Senior, these daughters of Eve went about saying that “if the mountain will not go tothe Kwahu man, the Kwahu man will go to the mountain. So, it is that if the throne will not come to us, we will go to the throne.” So, they trekked into the Elephants bushes, adding that they were not born in Ogyakrom to feel the ogya, as in fire or heat. So, they were going to use what they have, to get what they want.
Senior, to tamper disappointment with hope, the elders of the Umbrellas went to see some elderly old men and women laying lazily on benches doing nothing, and begged them to invite Mama Gin to tell them that what she said about the results of the lot casting was not true.
Senior, led by Wofa Gbee Tsatsu, a man well known for always drinking like nobody’s business in bars, they prepared to go and meet these elderly old men and women laying lazily on benches doing nothing.
Senior, immediately behind him was that general who does not wear uniform, a certain Mojo Rojo, who is in no relations with that Puerto Rico herb sauce and last but not the least, Pastor White, who in fact is not pastor. He has never even opened Bible before.
Senior, at the mango tree where the elderly old men and women were laying lazily on benches doing nothing, they stated their case.
Senior, Gbee Tsatsu said the way Mama Gin announced the results was not proper, and that instead of wearing the fetish regalia she wore slit and Kaaba; the general who does not wear uniform, said the only thing he found wrong with the results was that it should have been his exams results, like he would be a teacher, teaching day nursery pupil and not a general without uniform.
Senior Pastor White said he was sent on an errand by Mama Gin to go and say “good morning” to Onaapowura and while he was at the trotro station, he heard Mama Gin’s sweet voice announcing the Great Leopard as the winner. As for Mojo Rojo, he was annoyed that Mama Gin gave him only kookosakora, as in kooko without koose or goat something, for breakfast. So, to him, since he was halffull, he will not accept the results.
Senior, the elderly old men and women laying lazily on benches doing nothing, suddenly sat up, their intelligence had been abused. What nonsense, they screamed, “you congress of baboons, you think we are playing here? If you do not vamoose here in the next minute, you will know the month which inside they plant, corn.”
Senior, so the litigants run back home and tried hard to find something to tell their youth.
Senior, we thought all had been settled, when the general who does not wear uniform wear uniform, walked into the village square to announce that he was ready to talk true, and the true is that an elder of the Umbrella clan called Fosu the Foseman took some lots which were for the Umbrellas to lit fire to cook his evening ampesi, that was why their lots were the smallest.
Senior, now there is commotion in the Umbrella clan, and since I am not an Umbrella, I am Dan, sorry I am done.
It’s me!
