Because of Bride Price, someone turned into a Bow and Arrow Professional
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
Senior, hmmm, eh!!! They say, hmmm! Before, I continue, I hope you and your family are do fine. As for me and mine, we are confused and not understand things happening in this Ogyakrom village of hours, sorry ours.
Senior, in fact, all abusiapanyins must note that our cowries expire the very instant we possess them. So, when some Kofi Brokeman comes forward to do their family members’ daughters’ skin something so that they can take possession of them with no expiry date attached, they should not write a long list of demands like from here to Tema station and back, and give it to the poor man to provide.
Senior, in this Ogyakrom that we live in it, was a certain broke man by name Raffia (as in raffia palm or something like that. But please the palm here, has nothing to do with palm wine, thank you). This Raffia man is also called Abu, but in no relation to Abu the Thief in the Thief of Bagdad. But in fact, the feats he has accomplished surpasses what Abu did in Bagdad. And it is like he is a baker, too. So, his name goes like this, Raffia Abu Baker, Abu for short.
Senior, this Raffia Abu Baker, used to bake meat pie and other chop better, since he dropped out of class three. All his mates struggled through skuul, and have become somebodies. And what pained Abu, is that whenever he spied on any beautiful daughter of Eve, some friend will snatch her from his bed, before he could even engage her in that blissful trip called Suhum-Nsawam.
Senior, Abu was advised to be bold and go and see the girl of his choice’s parents and do what he is supposed to do and with that no one can come in the daylight, to steal the lady away.
Senior, Raffia Abu Baker, took this Godsent advice seriously and went from house to house to abusuapanyin to abusuapanyin to ask for their daughters’ hands in marriage. And here every abusuapanyin welcomed him with open arms. Unfortunately, he never saw the daggers they were holding to stab him in the back, when they make atuuu.
Senior, that dagger is the long list of items Abu must provide before ever nearing their gates mouth to shout “Agooo!” Meanwhile, all of Abu’s mates and even juniors were married happily ever after.
Senior, Abu sat down and thought aaaaaaaaah and arrived into the arrival lounge of the only solution to the problem. He bought some white khaki and had it sewn in something like uniforms. When asked what happened, he said he had a job as a chef in Kempinski hotel.
Senior, Abu next went to a tie and dye professional and had the uniforms tied and dyed into bow and arrow professional colours. He then walked to Tema station to a bent-down boutique and bought two pairs of black cambus to match.
Senior, Abu Baker, then took a coloured picture of a bow and arrow professional in uniform and renovated his uniforms to make them look like carbon copies of the uniform in the picture.
Senior, Raffia Abu Baker, in the confines of his room, trained how to walk and march like a bow and arrow professional for eighteen moons and a half. He bought a water pistol to march and celebrated his passing out with no one around but only him.
Senior, now looking like a real bow and arrow professional, he marched to the nearest compound where he had spied a certain fine, fine lady and approached the abusuapanyin for her hand in marriage.
Senior, the abusuapanyin knew the benefits of having a bow and arrow professional as an in-law. He will go to Lebanon and come back with a nicka-nicka which he the abusuapanyin will operate and start doing something before he dies. He willingly offered the girl to Abu for free and wanted to add another in a have-one-get-one-free concept of trading, but Abu, overwhelmed by how successful he was, politely turned down that offer.
Senior, back at home with his new wife, he sat and thought aaaaaah that he could use this new rank he had self-acquired to get another woman. So, he entered into another house and the abusuapanyin also offered him a wife for free. This one was thinking about how Abu, will bring down a Nissan Urvan minibus from Lebanon, for him to drive and make money, since he was a driver, but with no iron something to ride.
Senior, everything was going on well for Abu, until one day when he decided to report for duty at the bow and arrow headquarters. He went there pushing tyre, instead of riding in an iron something and was quickly identified as a counterfeit and was duly arrested.
Senior, I have a problem. Why bow and arrow professionals should not concentrate on their core-duty of stopping people invading Ogyakrom and rather catching civilians who wear their uniforms? After all, don’t they also wear civilian dress? Has any civilian complained and arrested them for that?
Senior, all because of abusuapanyins and their impossible to achieve bride price demands, look at where somebody has entered into.
Senior, as for me I am Dan, sorry I am done.
It’s me!
