Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for me and my mine, we are all do fine.
Senior, I wonder if you are still a Roman Katholici. Even if you have stopped, I still believe that you remember what members of this church do during Lent and Good Fridays, which they call, the Stations of the Cross.
Senior, I am not referring to a trotro station or thief slappers’ station. To refresh your memories, it is that holy ritual, where these Katholico people will kneel down fourteen times during fourteen chapters of stories which tell of how the Only Son of Yahweh, Yesu Christus Emmanuel, took fourteen steps to save sinners, like you.
Senior, it came to past, “kekeniegbaashike bah o,” that in a certain Katholico church in a hamlet in Ogyakrom, the Papa Osofo was leading this Stations of the Cross, when he was signalled by his houseboy that he had an urgent call.
It was the bishop, to whom he had sworn obedience, that whether rain or shine, night or day, food time or siesta time, watching soccer time or watching Osofo Dadzie, and he is called by the bishop and he fails to promptly attend to the call, he will willingly accept his demotion from Papa Osofo to altar boy.
Senior, and this Stations of the Cross must continue, so he handed over to the senior catechist to proceed from where he had reached.
They had gotten to the Tenth Station, where Yesu Christus Emmanuel’s suit, trousers and shirts were stolen by bow and arrow professionals. Five stations to go, so he left the worshippers in the grace and mercy of the Lord.
Senior, Papa Osofo and his bishop talked for a while and he was dismissed to go and carry on with what he was doing. Papa Osofo looked at his time and knew that the Stations of the Cross must end by now. He all the same proceeded to where the worshipers were gathered.
Senior, he met them still doing the Stations of the Cross and what shocked him most was what he heard. The Senior Catechist, pronounced loud and clear, “The Twenty-fifth Station…. And Veronica slapped Judas in the face…. We adore You and we praise You…”
Senior, where from came twenty-fifth station when the stations end with the fourteenth? Papa Osofo asked in thoughts and wonders.
Senior, you see, Senior Catechist, did not know how to end the Stations of the Cross. The prayer book he was carrying had the end part torn off and missing.
So, his intentions were that no matter how long it took, Papa Osofo himself must come and close the Stations of the Cross, himself. So, he kept going on before Papa Osofo came to rescue the worshipers from bondage.
Senior, it is this slap-slapping that has resurrected in a church, this time not book-book slap-slapping but real-life anointing slap-slapping.
Senior, in one of those numerous churches, where their pastors claim to always spend weekends in Heaven, with Yesu Christus Emmanuel, the Daddy Sofo called St. Anthony of Buade decided to social distance himself from his congregation, because they were sinners and he was very holy, filled with Spiritus Sanctus to the brim, so he must not mix with, eat or drink with sinful, gineful, wineful Gentiles, like you.
Senior, this church is called the Assembly of the New Generation of Born-Again Die-Again Resurrected Again Power Supply Ministries.
Senior, this Sofo St. Anthony had a revelation from Spiritus Sanctus Himself, that he must get a white donkey and always sit on it whenever he is going anywhere and Satan and his demons will never near him.
Senior, our local St. Anthony revealed this revelation to his congregation via WhatsApp and told them that if they also want to go to Heaven, then they must buy him a white unblemished donkey who has not known any woman donkey before, for him to possess.
Senior, on the day of the fundraising, Auntie Antionette, the Till Something Do We Part, of Sofo St. Anthony of Buade, decided to play the Dampare and watched over the collation and counting of the money gathered.
Senior, because there was plenty-plenty money, Sofo Mami Auntie Antionette’s eyes started seeing two-two, three-three and in the visions, she thought she saw one of her husband’s disciples, Dada Boat’s left his hand lifted from the table carrying the money and going directly into his pocket.
Senior, filled with what she believed to be Spiritus Sanctus, she decided that the man needed deliverance. Satan must be bonded and thrown out into the abyss in hell fire.
But instead of laying hands on the backtracking disciple, she decided that the demon in that disciple was the most stubborn. In fact, it was only after his birth in hell that stubbornness came into existence.
Senior, Sofo Mami Auntie Antoinette, landed some heavy anointing slaps on the disciple who started seeing all the stars in the universe and started naming them one by one, until he fell asleep out of tiredness from enduring such macho slaps.
Senior, now this Veronica slapped Judas in the face, has become, Antionette slapped Dada Boat in the face. Anointing slaps are now available for deliverance.
In fact, I am Dan, sorry I am done.
It’s, me!
