Letter to Senior Opupulepu (124) How can I face my Mother-In-Law? – The Rematch
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
Oh… you missed. You missed the rematch between our Omanhene, the Great Leopard, Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo, and our ex-former immediately before the Omanhene, Odinihu Nana Ontieobiara Onapowuraa.
Senior, sorry, my manners! Out of excitement I forgot to greet you. How are you do? As for me and my family we are do fine.
Senior, as I was saying before I politely and wisely interrupted myself, you remember that something like that happened almost two scores and ten moons ago, when the Great Leopard and Nana Onapowuraa squared it off in the village square, and in the end, the latter was beaten up well, well, that he forgot his way home?
Senior, since that time, Odinihu has always been training seriously, and once he used his own brothers in the Umbrella family and beat them black and blue to make sure that he had sharpened his punches. He lifted metals, uprooted big trees with his bare hands and became so macho that he had ten packs not six.
Senior, he developed some strength and power that anything he touched or held got dented or smashed. Because of this, Mama Lovely Nun, vacated from her matrimonial bed to sleep in the sitting room, because even kissi-kissi, muah-muah resulted in her mouth getting bruised like she had sucked a piece of rock.
Senior, Odinihu became a man of steel and concrete, and you dare not shake his hands, like you die finish.And it is these hands that he was going to use in the rematch against the Great Leopard.
Senior, people started fear-fearing for our Omanhene, who was not seen training or exercising or both. All he was doing was freeing Senior High School (SHS) students from paying dues at school; opening nica-nica, as in corn mills, opening ogyateshie distilleries and opening kenkey factories all over the place among others.
Senior, what you could call as training, if you could call it even that, was when our Omanhene will take a hoe and dig a small hole in the ground, and after that he secretly complained of waist pains.
Senior, the other day, after he had a big bowl full of fufu and light soup completely over populated with akrantie, crabs and snails, with some aponkye and its inside things well garnished with dried shrimps and smoked fish and sprinkled with okro and ginger, our Omanhene decided to relax under a tree and receive air, he removed his singlet and what we saw made us lose hope. He was over bloated and that meant he was not ready for even jogging, let alone to say fighting.
Senior, the Elephant people came to tell us not to worry, because Nana Odinihuni is an Elephant, and Elephants bloat and look over-sized.
Senior, before I tell you about the fight, let me tell you what happened to my bosom friend New-Gin. I hope you will not tell him, because it is a secret between me and him, but as you are my favourite senior, I can share this.
Senior, one day New-Gin was sent by his wife to travel to her mother’s hamlet and deliver some gifts and money. New-Gin went on the errand in great dispatch and arrived at his mother-in-law’s house. He was offered water to drink as custom demanded, and while he was chatting with the old lady, a table was prepared for him in a secure room.
Senior, when New-Gin was called to take lunch, he obliged, but when he removed the cover plate and spied what was in the bowl, he lodged a great protest. About what? He told his mother-in-law that the banku was too big and that he could not eat even half. Senior, the old lady had to beg him to eat what he could eat and leave the rest for the children. New-Gin decided to eat under protest.
Senior, New-Gin took his seat at the table alone in a room which had the windows wide opened. There was no burglar proof and a sweet cool breeze was blowing inside from outside. New-Gin washed his hands and tucked into the meal, and when the banku smeared with palm soup touched his lips, he swore to himself that the meal was very delicious. He went on saying that the meal was very delicious repeatedly, only to put his hands in the bowl to encounter emptiness.
Senior, New-Gin had finished the huge meal and disgrace stared him in his face. What could he tell his mother-in-law? As for what he did, I will not tell him.
Senior, you see, Odinihu had been advised by his mother-in-law not to fight the Great Leopard again, but he insisted that he would, and that this time he would win.
Senior, so the two entered the ring and the challenger climbed in first. Odinihu was breathing out smoke and fire from his mouth and nostrils and everybody decided that the Great Leopard would this time shed off his spots.
Senior when he removed his gown and showed the villagers what he was made of, some people fainted and others started making funeral donations towards the burial of the Great Leopard.
Senior, the champion was called and the Great Leopard climb into the ring dancing to the tune of suroabofo with is unlaced boots. He looked weak and feeble, and could be heard chanting “the battle is the Lord’s; The battle is the Lord’s.”
Senior, while Odinihu was singing tsoobooi songs, songs that warriors sing, the Great Leopard, to boost his adrenalin, was heard singing “Polly put the kettle on.”
Senior, the referee, who is our one and only fetish priestess of the lot casting shrine, whistled for the fighters to begin fighting. Then we all saw some transformation in the Great Leopard. His pot belly disappeared to give way to twelve packs flat stomach, his flabby arms gave way to tough muscles, and his shaking legs stood firm as pillars of a bridge. He acknowledged Odinihu’s presence in the ring with a straight blow to the challenger’s chin.
Senior, Odinihu swore that not again, as his legs wobbled. What will he tell his mother-in-law? He tried fighting back and threw a multitude of blows at the Great Leopard, but none landed. The Great Leopard replied with a single punch and almost sent Odinihu into dreamland. People started insisting that they want their funeral donations back.
Senior, Odinihu used laser beam tactics and aimed at the nose of the Great Leopard and released a powerful blow, but the Great Leopard was nowhere to be found. He safely ducked, as in dodged the blow and that sent Odinihu spinning round and round like alokoto. When he settled down, and attempted to gain his balance and senses, the Great Leopard landed his third blow and shattered Odinihu’s face and hopes. He fell down poom, and while finding out what he would tell his mother-in-law, his brains started singing “Now the day is over,” as he entered into a coma.
Senior, again? In that short fight, Odinihu threw one hundred and fifty blows but landed none, while the Great Leopard threw only three and landed all, including the last one which decided the fight.
Senior, I heard Odinihu is out of danger but he keeps asking “how can I face my mother-in-law.” As for me I am Dan, sorry I am Done.