Letter to Senior Opupulepu (120) When Matter Reach Obroni, He Speaks Twi
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? I hope you are do fine, fine, just as me and my family are all do fine.
Senior, a certain Obroni man went to a certain hamlet and lost his pouch full of money and gold? He went to report to the headman, and the headman instructed the gong-gong beater to go with him to the square to make an announcement.
Senior, at the square, the gong-gong beater beat the gong-gong and said: “Township, Nana se maachi to you. Obronipete standing by me here si ni juete ani sika korkor are lost. Na se woa wuedzimi a wobehuaa wodinaadie akormanu die, ani die ese woraa.”
Senior, satisfied and thinking that what was said was in his favour, Mr Obroni went on singing “wuedzimi die ese woraa.” What he did not know was that the gong-gong beater announced that anyone who finds the money and gold and will be foolish, no stupid (present tense), enough to return them to him, then it is up to him. And Mr Obroni, thinking that he could add some urgency to the appeal, went about unknowingly saying and singing, “if you are foolish, sorry stupid, then it is up to you.”
Senior, I am not understand what is going on in ewiase today. No, it is not about Kobby Nante, it is about Papa Obroni and his family. You see long, long time ago, before our ancestors became predecessors, Papa Broni’s great grandfathers came to this part of ewiasi to tell us that they were coming to open our eyes.
Senior, even as we took them on tour, everything of importance to them that they find they will put their names on it and claim that they were the first humans to find that. It was if we were not humans.
Senior, they will go and stand by any weed in the forest and cut pictures, just as when we go to their village we take photos by their buildings and stairways.
Senior, Papa Obroni came and told us that when we wake up we must break the fast with something light like Holy Communion. Meanwhile, our physiological requirements and demands of our body mandated us to consume a big bowl of fufu and light soup with a ball of Ga kenkey with shito lo for desert for breakfast.
Senior, Papa Obroni came to teach us civil service, sorry civilisation. And he demanded we read Makers of Civilisation and Courtesy for Boys and Girls.
Senior, in school we dare not spoke, sorry, speaking, no I think it is speaked our parents’ tongues. You see, to Papa Obroni our parents do not bush their tongues well, well, so we should not speak their tongues in school. We must, and were mandated by decree, to spoken only in English.
Senior, we were told not to wear our ntama again, but put on pants and singlet, and then shirt and trousers, and then tie our neck with a rope christened tie, put on three piece suit and march into the heat of the sun singing to the tune of “One man went to mow, went to mow amidu.” Please I am not talking about our School Prefect Uncle Martin. And we end up looking like crows going Sixth March.
Senior, then Akwasi Obroni taught us something called demo-crase, a village where you can demonstrate all year round as you say some and others too say some. And so every forty-eight or sixty moons time, it was mandatory that we caste lots and collectively decide who should squat on our village stool.
Senior, trust Obibini with the theory of laws are meant to be broken. Some amanhene will make sure that the figures that will be finally read to the public will be far more than what was recorded at the lot casting shrines. In most cases, the opposition will shout Tsooboi,” and lo and behold, immediately, and as soon as Paapa Obroni hears that, he will tell us how uncivilised we are and lock up that particular village in sanctuaries called sanctions.
Senior, a certain guyman called Sir Robert Monomotapa the Great of Ozinzi Oya village squatted on the stool for ages before Yahweh called him to do national service, upstairs. Anytime there was lot casting, he would win so miraculously that people will believe you if you said the sun rises from the North and sets in the South, than if you said Sir Robert was going to lose the lot casting. In fact, he used any means available, fair or foul, and foul and fair to win.
Senior, and this is what Akwasi Broni dislikes. Many times Sir Robert Monomotapa was placed inside a pressure cooker, and yet he always survived. And many a times, Mr Obroni keeps telling us that whenever they count the lots and you chop last, accept it in good faith, and if at that time you do not succeed, try again.
Senior, we all thought this character of conjuring figures into lot casting was a pandemic disease found only in Obibiman, until yesterday Paapa Obroni himself stood up high and told us that man pass man, and kpakposhito pass Akweleywaabi.
Senior, lo and behold, the Omanhene in Amerlika village, Donut Trunk, oversaw lot casting in his village where they only trust in Yahweh. And at the end of the counting of the lots a certain Joe Dakota won and Donut Trunk said: “yebia, daabida.”
Senior, things that you can never see happening in primitive Obibiman is now happening live in Obroniman, Amerlika. The Donut man has now printed his own lots and he is casting and counting. According to him, the lot casting was not over and after the humans had cast their lots it was the turn of all angels in ewiase to cast theirs. So his chief priestess, Korla White, was seen in the village square calling all Obiniman angels by name and by rank to report to the Amerlika “55” or Tusker kiosk in their villages for travel papers and spending money to go to Amerlika to cast lots for Donut Trunk keke.
Senior, any angel who embraces this once in eternity opportunity will be automatically given Amerlika villager-ship.
Senior, meanwhile, all soothsayers in Yahweh’s vineyard spoke and told us that they were speaking in One Voice and Mind of Yahweh that Donut Trunk was going to take the stool as easy as he drinks his morning kooko. The soothsayers in Ogyakrom also proclaimed same, and even went on to say that Onaapowuraa was going to snatch the stool from the under of Nana Onsurowuo’s under. The Umbrella people have been happy ever since.
Senior, the thing I am not understand is that when the prophecy about Donut Trunk failed to drop, these Umbrella people were happy, because Trunk comes from the same Elephant clan as the Elephants in Ogyakrom, so they will also lose. Now here is my problem, how can they rejoice when the same prophets who prophesied Donut’s victory, and he lost, are the same ones who are prophesying the Umbrella victory? How can they be sure that with them their prophecy will come to pass?
Senior, meanwhile, Donut Trunk is creating and sharing his own lots with the hope that he will overtake and overcome Joe Dakota at the top and declare himself the Champion Atta.
Senior, Obroni has learnt something from us and even improved upon it. When you are losing lots, produce your own and cast them in your favour, that’s all.
As for me, I am Dan, sorry I am Done with these Abrofuo who speak Twi when they are in trouble.