Letter to Senior Opupulepu (112) On the Rematch at the Village Square (1)
Dear Senior Opupulepu,
How are you do? As for me and my family we are do fine. Senior, in fact, Ogyakrom is on fire, real, real fire. Calling the village “Ogya,” as in like “Fire,” is even an understatement.
Senior, Odinihu Nana Ontiaobiara Onaapowuraa is on fire and speaking fire everywhere he goes heading towards his rematch with the Great Leopard, Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owubiayeowuo. In fact, he is still dazed from the last encounter, after receiving multiple blows at the rate of one hundred blows a second, all of which went unanswered.
Senior, unfortunately if you can recollect, he had wanted the referee to stop the bout to save his face, skin and reputation, but the then fetish priestess of the lot casting shrine was not watching the fight. She was busily applying lipo-lipo.
Senior, with his reputation seriously dented, Odinihu the Onapowuraa had to save his face and body, and so without any push, but with the help of a small wind coming out of the Great Leopard’s nostrils, he decided to fall down, and he fell down poom! And he decided never to wake up, even after the count of one hundred. Even that count took fifteen minutes to start, because Mama Charlotte and the Charlotteers, the then fetish priestess of the lot casting shrine, was then applying pancake, after applying lipo-lipo.
Senior, even with such sound beatings of which it took him fifteen moons to fully recover from, Odinihu went about claiming that he was cheated. In fact, he said the verdict was stolen. How, as we all saw fiili fiili how he was handled and manhandled in the ring. He said he was told that by the rules of the game, taken from the Second Love Letter to Sister Corinthia paragraph 12 lines 8-10, the weakest in the game is the strongest.
So at the appropriate time, when he saw he was in a comfortable lead, he decided to look weak and he fell so that he would be declared the strongest, but that never happened. Why so, because to Odinihu, the Great Leopard had bought everybody, including the spectators, who hailed him the victor.
Senior, Odinihu is now wild and has decided that since another woman is in-charge of the shrine, he must make sure that no mistake is committed by him again. He had wanted to buy the new fetish priestess first with love, but that did not work. You see this priestess attended an Oramus Sanctam Katholicam School and was never trained to look at another man’s direction apart from her official Sweetie-Sweetie Muah-Muah. He had then wanted to use cowries, but that too failed, because Mama Gin, the new fetish priestess of the lot casting shrine, will not know how to explain to Papa Mens where she got money from to buy a new pair of charley-wote.
Senior, so Odinihu Nana Ontiaobiara Onaapowuraa decided to use the methods he uses to confuse the minds of daughters of Eve when he decides to lay traps for them. He was to use his smooth tongue to buy people with promises.
Senior, the first was to the gutter-to-gutter professionals. Odinihu said as soon as he re-ascends the throne again, he was going to pay all those who play gutter-to-gutter every quarter of a moon, ten times what he, as Omanhene, will receive in one moon.
Senior, as I write to you, some of these players have started buying lands and properties on credit. Some have started putting babies in the wombs inside of some daughters of Eve, with the hope of having the grandest outdoorings, come nine moons time. By which time there would have been the longest social long distance between them and poverty. Oh, how I wish I was a gutter-to-gutter professional, but, like you, the mind is willing but the body and bones are not.
Senior, Odinihu will not stop there. He went on to promise that anyone at all who owns or is in possession of a bicycle should count himself and herself lucky. As soon as he ascends the throne, everybody’s bicycle’s tires will be pumped free. Also all bicycles will be fitted with another seat so that one could take his or her lobi-lobi on romantic rides without any professional thief slapper questioning the “how come” about the excursion embarked upon.
Senior, because of this why, akupas are now all over the place looking for scraps of bicycles to re-assemble, and those who find old unserviceable bikes are making them serviceable. Those with serviceable bikes are making them more serviceable waiting for the time Odinihu will re-ascend the throne again.
Senior, there are some akupas who are learning how to ride tricycles and hoping to know how to ride bicycles before Odinihu re-ascends the throne again.
Senior, Odinihu is not done yet. He has promised that as soon as he ascends the throne, he will re-define what free education means. He will start free education from day nursery right through to second degree grade of the third level of skuuling. He will not end there, he will make sure that every pupil and student will be given free allocations of food and provision, shoes and clothing, and umbrellas and raincoats, and provide free utilities, meaning free electricity and water, which the Great Leopard is doing on an experimental basis, and, of course, free phone calls and free internet, as soon as they enter day nursery to the time the complete skuul with second degree. He will even pay rent to parents for hosting their own children in their homes. Meaning, parents will not spend a pesewa on their upkeep, except if they want to.
To those who faces look like they do not want to go to school, they will be paid compensation for relocating them from the streets, bushes, and wherever into the classrooms.
Senior, all the pupils and students are now singing “but they that wait upon the Lord” – A classical song by a certain Odo-Fufro, as in Odo-Fresh, a certain child of a certain Mr. Annan. They corrupted the words into “For they that wait upon Odinihu, shall receive showers of gifts.”
Senior, all this while, our Omanhene the Great Leopard is not talking, but quietly moving from hamlet to hamlet doing what clever people will do – speaking to the hearts and souls of the villagers. I even hear, and please I said I heard so if you misquote me somewhere then you are on your own. I heard that he has taken hoe and is digging the ground and preparing the land for the farmers for the next planting season.
Senior, since you do not know maths well, well, I will only ask that you apply the simple mathematical theory of “if more less divide,” and find out who will win the rematch. For one cue to the solution is that farmers in Ogyakrom out-number and out-weigh all else in Ogyakrom.
Senior, while you are at it, I am Dan, sorry, I am Done!