“Not In My Lifetime,” Says the Lord
Letter to Senior Opupulepu (63)
Dear Senior Opupulepu, How do you do? I hope you and your family are do fine; you better do fine, because the matter I am carrying today is a matter that demands that you are do fine. As for me and my family, I do not think we are do fine, but since, in our tradition and culture, whenever you are asked about yourself, you must say positive, positive, so we say we are do fine under duress.
Senior, before I go on to tell you what I am to tell you, promise me that no one will ever see this letter, let alone read it. I beg you with all my heart, my lungs and my all. This matter that I am going to telling you is of such category that if any konkonsa person reads or hears it and he opens his mouth gbadzaa like an Ewoezo man dancing agbadza and talks things that do not concern him, and the Great Leopard hears it, then I must self-transport myself out from this village.
Senior Opupulepu, you remember during the early days of Togbe Xornametor when life was as hard as gravels in a toothless mouth, a certain okomfo fell into a trance and it was revealed to him a transpiration that transpired between Yahweh and some amansah leaders.
According to the vision, a certain Roller Red-Gun, leader of Amerlika, approached the Throne of Grace with Yahweh seated inside. And this is the transpiration that transpired.
Red-Gun: Oh Yahweh, please, when will Amerlika’s economy be the best in the whole of amansah?
Yahweh: Not until after eight years.
Red Gun: But Yahweh can’t you do something about that and make it now, now, or someone will come and take the credit?
Yahweh: What is written is written. Yeess, next!
In walked Lonely Bresh-Nerve of Survey Union, full of hope because he overheard something like eight years.
Bresh-Nerve: Oh Yahweh, please ignore the fact that me and villagers do not believing you exist. As for this one it is something serious, that is why I am here. If you look, when will the Survey Union’s economy be the best in amansah?
Yahweh: Not in your life time.
Bresh-Nerve: Oh, Charley, Old-Man, don’t say that. I risked my reputation to come and see you, so do something about it so that I can enjoy praises some.
Yahweh: What is written is written.
Senior, there and then Togbui Xornametor jumped the queue and into Yahweh’s office straight, holding files and atlases, and smiled and said:
Togbui: Yahweh, my Main Man, how I dey check your beard and moustache. Please, when will Ogyakrom’s economy become fine, fine?
Yahweh looked puzzled, so He collected the atlas and look through aaaaaaaaah.
Yahweh: You say Ogyakrom?
Togbui: Yes, Opanin Kwame Okro’s Ogyakrom. See, here it is in this atlas.
Yahweh: Oh…I see…hmmmm…Ogyakrom…I am sorry not in my lifetime.
Senior, it is not for nothing that for every four and half houses in Ogyakrom, you encounter a church. Plenty people went into the churching business so as to avert the Great Oracle in Heaven and make Ogyakrom develop in Yahweh’s lifetime.
Senior Opupulepu, we all thought that Yahweh will reverse the oracle so that we too can chop life better small, before we embark on that one-way journey to the life hereafter. So was the high expectationsthat we thought it was fully sealed when the Great Leopard came and promised on his honour to build a temple for Yahweh. If King Solomon can build one, he too, the Great Leopard, Odinihuni Nana Onsurowuo Owuobia ye owuo, must also build one, so that he too, his name will appear in the Holy Bible some.
Senior, this is the part of the story that you should keep away from both any and everybody…it is for your eyes only…yoooooo.
Senior, you see the mistake the Great Leopard did was voting himself to build that temple. I ask, what happened to King Solomon after he built that temple? Senior, if you cannot remember what was taught you in Sunday School, then it was that Solomon stopped walking with Yahweh and took to walking with prostitutes and engaging himself with gamblers, wee smokers, and those who watch porn movies. So Yahweh removed His skin from King Solomon and went away borkor.
Senior, in the case of the Great Leopard, and please never tell him I told you, he did not surround himself with prostitutes, and neither was he smoking what the Ngleshie people call “we” and we too call it “yen,” as in “us.”
Senior, if it is the thinking that the Great Leopard will force them to go to church every day or not, I do not know. But, suddenly, his Sunday School boys and girls have developed some characteristic behaviour, which is uncharacteristic of a follower of an Odinihuni.
Senior, all of a sudden, you hear this small boy has run away with a pot of soup meant for our dinner, and this small girl has rubbed her hands gently on the GPS area of a certain man’s trousers’ zip area, and while the crazy man’s mind was going crazy, she will take all his pocket money from his pocket and flee.
Senior, if you hear what is going on around the Great Leopard, you will be amazed. These small, small boys and girls who are tied on their mothers’ backs have now grown tough teeth and strong jaws and long hands. They use their hands to pick the food their mothers are carrying without being noticed, and they bite into anything at all and chew and swallow with such impudence.
Senior, it is when their mothers put down the cargo that they realise that there is no food in the pan or basin; aaooooh, I pity the Great Leopard well, well.
Senior, you see he has so much trust in these day nursery boys and girls, who he thought they will settle, only for wapee, agata, lollipop, condense milik, chocolate and milik powder; not knowing they were weaned of baby formula and sweets while they were in their mothers’ stomachs inside. They know how to drink hot pepper soup without batting an eye, or even drinking eyes water after.
Senior, I pity Odinihuni well, well, but he too, he should go and change his glasses small. This is the specs he has been wearing since he was the one-time Chief-Letter Writer at the General Post Office, even before the birth of Togbui Xornametor. With this plenty money he is chopping now, why can’t he change his specs, so that he can identify and discern between the good, the bad and ugly.
Yes, Yahweh said: “Not in my life time,” but that should not be fulfilled as a prophesy, in Yesu’s Name, Amen! Ogyakrom shall arise again with Odinihuni.
I believe I am Dan. Sorry I am Done.