Letter to Senior Opupulepu (62)
Dear Senior Opupulepu, I hope you are do fine. I and my family are also do fine, thank you.
Senior, do you remember the saying that education is another form of contraceptive which prevents young girls from getting pregged by heart?
Senior, those were the days when two different groups of families, one from the high academy elite, and the other from the non-academy or skuul dropout group of companies, are exhibited before our eyes. It was always evident that the academy-elite family is made up of not more than five – fada, moda and three children. The children are also well spread out, with at least two to three full years’ difference.
Senior, when you take the non-academy/skuul dropout family, you will have at least ten members, fada, moda and eight children evenly spread with straight ten months age differences over a seven year grace period, and madam will be carrying some big belly, again.
Senior, this is the story about the benefits of going to skuul to the basic end. I mean, like crossing over from first skuuling and reaching above stana seven and over, continuing to second skuuling, and then to third skuuling.
They say with the knowledge acquired, and adding to wisdom, man and woman in this category will know when to preg and be pregged. There will also be spacing among the children, like an agriculturist will do spacing when planting crops, and not like the farmer who can plant, plants by heart, with even two or three coming out from one hole.
Senior, going forward, this space spacing allows for planning the family well, well, and so in the end, there shall be peace perfect peace in the house, since everybody will be content with the line of authority, highly respected.
Senior, on the other hand, the family of the other group of company will encounter strives and conflicts, with family vigilantism growing from within to the without. Personal identity can become a problem, with two or three of children looking exactly alike in identity, shape and form, even though they are months apart.
The only advantage here is that if any one does not know, and does not know, and touches any of the siblings, he or she will find a contingent of angry rascals descending upon him. Then the out-spoken one will face the offending person toe to toe, squarely in a rectangular mode, and say “If you like say, Fi.” These words are enough to make the offending attacker momentarily lose his power and figures of speech. Dumbness sickness will attack him small.
As for the book-long family, if you touch any of the “pickins”, all you will hear is “when my fada comes I will tell him.” Please go to sleep, nothing will happen to you, but do not pass their house front for a while, or they will release their dogs on you. Then you will know that in life, there is an occasion when the ability to run is the most important gift God gave to humankind.
Senior Opupulepu, despite all the benefits of attending skuul, which will help in family planning your family, the senior assistant deputy human type-writer of the Umbrella Concert Party has come out to say that after trekking to every midwives’ offices and born-born centers in the whole of Ogyakrom, it has come to be revealed upon him in visions by statistics and guess-work that those who attend skuul are born-borning more than those who sit at home doing nothing. WHOW, ibi like combining Why and How.
Senior, according to this senior deputy assistant human type-writer, who answers to the name Cephas (as in the Rock) B. Otto O’Connor (and he has a beautiful American name, too), he did some surveyor work and ended up assembling each and every pregnant female, women and children who had their weighing cards, birth certificates and skuul certificates to prove their gender, age and status.
He then did some cacus and permed the figures to arrive at the fact that of all the two million pregnant Ogyakromians today, only five no sabi book, and as much as one hundred and nighty-five were aged twenty and above and working, but now on or proceeding to maternity leave.
Senior according from Rockyman O’Connor, the one million eight hundred who are young, like below seventeen and well below, were all girls who attend the Great Leopard, Odinihuni Nana Nsurowuo Owuobiayeowuo’s, free skuul of education.
Senior, please ask this boy something. What implication is he trying to imply? Is he suggesting that the Great Leopard knows something about this in incoming newly-recruits into the Ogyakrom family? I mean knowing something like either he being the catalyst or the main engine that drove this project of pregnation into fruitation, or both. If he wants to talk, he should take off his glasses and talk well and straight into our eyes. He should not put us all in trouble by suggesting certain suggestions that could get the news conveyor belts into trouble.
Senior, as for this part of the information, it is between you and me pe, if anyone, especially the Great Leopard, hears it, you are on your own. If you have not seen someone whose hands were found live in a pot of soup in the act of thiefing meat, and yet he denies ever being anywhere near the pot, you will see some in me.
But Senior, as the matter is about this seriousness of matter, I believe the O’Connor guy man has some inward-looking motives. You see, when the Umbrella Concert Party was born, it decided to carry on the culture and tradition of its parent, Provisions and National-Team Defenders Canteen, whereby only those who know little or no book at all were eligible to join.
Senior, as eye-opening start smiling in that concert party, some book-long pipol start writing down their names during the party meetings. But the main strength of the Umbrella Concert Party lies in the drop-outs and no-go skuul pipol.
Senior, things were going on fine until the Great Leopard made all his skuuls in Ogyakrom free. Now wahala hit the Umbrella people, and this spelled disaster, because more pipol are now writing their names at the Elephant Concert Party meetings, because they are knowing, and they know book small.
With the threat of family planning fastly approaching the Umbrella family, and seriously too, as such, a way must be devised. Spread the news that once you go to the Great Leopard’s free skuul, preg, preg will attack you. Cephas O’Connor is also saying and revealing that all those pregged skuul girls are virgins, before, during and after the act of pregging.
Senior, this rascal of a Cephas B. Otto O’Connor guy man wants to say the Blessed Virgin Ave Maria, Mother of Yesu Christus Emmanuel, has now got challengers. Eeeiii go to skuul and get pregged… Hmmmm!
I am Dan, sorry I am Done.