Letter to Senior Opupulepu (57)
Dear Senior Opupulepu, I hope you are do fine. As for me and my family, we are all do fine.
Senior, have you hearing what I had hear? In fact, before I come to tell the konkonsa that is telling in town, do you remember a certain wofa with a long name called Nichodemus? No, it is not our former school goalkeeper, Senior Nichodemus, may his soul rest in peace.
I am referring to Uncle Nichodemus, who lived amongst men when Yesu Christus Emmanuel was the Word made Flesh, and also lived amongst Homo Sapiens.
You see, during those times, the chiefs and elders meant Yesu Christus’ life ruff-ruff because he had convinced all the apuskeleke girls to stay away from going Suhum-Nsawam with any son of Adam, unless that son of Adam had come forward, met their parents, went back to come and knock agoo with their abusuapanin, other elders, family fetish priests, and other hanger-ons in the family.
This was very important to Yesu Christus, because the dignity of a daughter of Eve is when she starts getting pot-belly people would not asked, “Ebeee, and this one too, when and who is responsible for feeding you fat in the belly?” Rather people will joyously wait for the coming of that child in the womb, and hope it becomes as good as me, and not like, excuse me to say, Captain Chaos.
Senior, in fact, Yesu Christus preached with such authority into the minds and hearts of the daughters of Eve that all of them, including those in the womb, vowed that unless after a man does what is right by honouring them and passing through the traditional, cultural, social and legal channels to boldly hold their hands in front of their abusuapanin and say “I do!” they will never remove their slit, kabaah and kamisia in the presence of any male, man or boy.
Senior, this revolutionary doctrine, Yesu Christus indoctrinated the minds of the girls and women with had a hard effect on the elders, osofos, pastors, bishops, archbishops, prophets and all the servants and men of Yahweh.
They moved about under pressure with their somethings ringing jingle-bells at their Ako Adjei Interchange as soon as they see these beautiful daughters of Eve walk by with a swag, pumping up their chest and puffing out their behinds, and walking like ducks going march-pass. The ancient men became crazy, but how for do? If they attempt even to wink, they will face wahala.
Senior, so all the elders meant Yesu Chritus’ life badly and promised that the day they will catch Him throwing litter about, will be the day they will end His life.
Senior, among the company of elders was a certain old man called Nichodemus. In fact, ever since they take to born Yesu Christus, this Nichodemus man take to like His matter, and always wished he was a woman, like he will marry Yesu Christus by fire, by force and become Mrs Nichodemusia Akua Christus Emmanuel. Oh, he loved the Guy ruff-ruff and wanted to meet Him one-on-one, but he feared his colleagues, too. So what did he do? He waited for the dark rain clouds to cover the midnight sky, and when everything became tuum like the charcoal and face of that charcoal seller you once admired, Uncle Nichodemus stepped outside with the excuse to Mrs Nichodemus that a certain bra, who was owing him, had come and will be leaving at dawn to Cappadocia, then to Pontus and Pamphylia, then end up at Mesopotamia before making a return journey to Judaea. That would be twenty moons before he returned, and if he wanted his money, it was now, so permission was granted.
Senior, he met Yesu in an all-night prayer mode and greeted the Lord, then asked how he can be saved from those his wicked colleagues and all that was evil and wrong. According to Johanness’ Love Letter, paragraph three lines one to twenty-one, Yesu Christus advised Uncle Nichodemus to become a day-old baby once again. Of course, Uncle never understood how he could enter his mother under into her inside and come out a baby. In fact, if he attempted, people may think he wants to go Suhum-Nsawam with his own mother, and the consequences to follow would not be good consequences at all.
It was only when Yesu Christus told him that to become a day-old baby again was by bathing well-well with clean bath water, and also with a huge dosage of Pure Spirit (not the Ogyateshie that is distilled in Teshie), that Uncle Nichodemus heard and believed.
Senior, since that occasion, anyone, man, woman or child who chooses to do things under cover of darkness are said to be doing Nichodemus. So it came to pass when the Great Leopard decreed that, just as humans of Yesu’s time were registered like liability companies, all Ogyakromian-borns and about to be born are to be registered, and back of their ears stamped with stamp-duty stamps.
Senior Opupulepu, the Umbrella people rose up in arms, led by Odenihu Nana Ontieobia Onapo-wuraa, that, that exercise was against the human rights and lefts of Homo Sapiens, and that humans are not to be registered and stamped as if they have owners just as cattle have owners.
Senior, they claimed that was not going to happen, and so, as for them and their family, no one will stand to be counted, registered and stamped. And if the Great Leopard wanted to know who are and are not Ogyakromians, he should only apply his eyes inside school registers and church dues cards log book.
Senior, when it was found out that some Umbrella Municipal Police officers had gone to be registered and stamped, the culprits swore that they only dreamt, no, they only nightmared, that they went to this registration center and got registered by fire, by force and against their wishes, wills and consent.
Senior, after long and hot accusations and counter-accusations, everything went quiet, with people agreeing that when the next list of Ogyakromians was composed, there will be no Umbrella family member in the number.
So, what a shock it was when we heard that Odenihu Nana Ontiaobia Onapo-wuraa had bribed the officers doing the registrations and stamping not to close at sundown, but wait till midnight for him. Then, like Uncle Nichodemus, he stepped out at midnight and told Madam that the man who had thirty millions of his lots in the last lot casting was in town and would be leaving for other villages, and so if he does not go to retrieve those lots and prove to amansan that he was truly in the comfortable lead, no one will believe he won the immediate past lot-casting.
Senior, with permission granted, Ontieobia went and was duly registered, but as our ancestors used to say, the one you know, you do not switch on lantern lamp to look his face in the dark, everybody saw and knew what Odenihu had done.
Senior, he is now the Reincarnated Nichodemus in our midst, and we are watching to see and perceive what the rest of the Umbrella people will do.
Senior, I am Dan, sorry Done.
It is Me.