Dear Senior Opupulepu, How are you do? I hope you are do fine, just as I am also do fine, fine.
Senior, you remember the other day when a Spanish Harlem gutter-to-gutter team of experts, nicknamed Bassa Bassa Group of Bad Boys Company, led by a certain Mercy Oppong, showed no mercy on a certain Ngleshie-based gutter-to-gutter squad, by name VIP Pool of Walkers, when they visited them? You remember how instead of making the Ngleshie boys akwaaba, the Bassa Bassa pipol tore the visitors into pieces and put three dozen balls inside their net. Where they got those three dozen balls at a time when there was ball shortage, need to be investigated by our Special Kwasi Peter.
Senior, the whole of amansan swore that the VIP Pool of Walkers has met its Waterloo, and this time, they were going to walk alone on their own.
One fine weekday, Mercy Oppong collected his Bassa Bassa colleagues and descended in a certain hamlet in Ngleshie called Ant-Field for the second foot of the gutter-to-gutter match.
Senior Opupulepu, hmmmm, it resembles your eyes, and not resemble your telling. If these VIP Pool guys drank one Kufuor gallon each of Johnnie Walker whisky or whiskey, I cannot tell. They came onto the gutter-to-gutter park blowing fuse, with eyes red like they have burnt dried grass under their noses before coming. With smoke coming out from their mouths, nostrils and ears, they took their visitors for a long hard walk, and descended on them returning the gesture given them with pain in Spain, and walloped the living delights and pride out of them.
In fact, in the end, they put one dozen more balls in the Bassa team’s fishing net than were given to them, making them feel so bassaa that they were so confused they missed the road to their village and appeared at Sankori hamlet.
Senior Opupulepu, I am hear that all the gutter-to-gutter boys of Bassa Bassa attend the Oramus Credo in Deum Church some, I mean the Romance Church. Because, people swore that when they were reduced to nothing on the gutter-to-gutter park, they sought to call the name of Auntie Mariah, the maternal mother of Yesu Christus Emmanuel, and instead of playing the ball on the ground, they were singing some song like “Hail Holy Cream, Mother of Messi, Hail our Hope, our Victory and Our Future; To You, do we mourn poor banished kobolos from Spain; To You, do we cry our cries, weeping and wailing in this Valley of Ant-Field.”
Senior, in fact no one calls upon the name of Aunty Mariah and she would sit there unconcerned. But that fateful day, she never appeared, neither did she send down any of her fiery abofos to do battle against the Johnnie Walker drinkers. It happened that the Bassa-Bassa boys, led by the criminal-in-chief Lion Mercy Oppong, stopped going to church since they were small, so either they forgot how to pray that powerful prayer, or they never even came across it anywhere, because the lines were not in line with the actual prayer, calling the Queen, cream, so Auntie Mariah never heard them to mind them.
In fact, Senior, now Ant Field has been declared and decreed the Shrine of Big Comebacks. So anybody who will need to see victory’s face when he or she is lagging behind, need only to invoke the gods of Ant Field, and their loss will be transformed to victory.
Sooner was that declaration declared and some daughters of Eve whose faces and shapes do not fit into the plans of sons of Adams, as in they harbour monkey-like faces and crooked waists and legs. Please, I never said some women look like monkeys, I only said they harbour, as in they keep. What I am saying is that some women who cannot the competition for men, have started invoking the gods of Ant-Field and seriously, miracles have started working. For women whose fathers will not look at their faces twice are now having overdose of dates and suitors.
Senior, while we were talking about Ant-Field and big comebacks, we heard that Alhaji One-Touches has made the biggest comeback recorded in history. This is next to the comeback Yesu Christus Emmanuel made from the dead, when all his enemies thought they had acquired for Him a one-way non-refundable ticket to the land of the ghosts, but he bounced back, alive and kicking.
You remember one fine Ramadan day, Alhaji Tiger-Nuts produced fake documentary on Alhaji One Touche, our immediate past erstwhile Chief Foreman of the Gutter-to-Gutter Cooperative Union, that he was swearing that he always kept the Great Leopard, Odenihuni, under pad lock and key in his smelling sack?
This both caused and created worry in the land, and the Union was disunionised with Abrantie Djanie Infant-I-Know, the bossman over all gutter-to-gutter associations in amansan, duly notified. Subsequently, after first it appeared that the bossman was supporting Alhaji One Touche, Alhaji Tiger Nuts went to visit his mallam who tightened things, and One-Touche was banned from playing, watching, thinking, and even dreaming gutter-to-gutter.
Senior, the affairs of gutter-to-gutter was handed over to some abnormalisation cooperative union, and indeed, gutter-to-gutter was abnormaly organised.
For example, a certain colts league was organised and implemented with all teams involved, but when the Hassiphobia Boys started chopping last, this abnormalisation union of cooperatives reorganised the league, split it into two, and put the Hassiphobia Boys among some day nursery teams so that they can chop first small.
The Great Leopard did not help matters, as his determination and desire to construct one hamlet-one dam made all work to cease on the construction of gutters, and so to date, there are almost no gutters in Ogyakrom for boys-boys to play gutter-to-gutter.
But, Senior Opupulepu, please tell the Great Leopard that the dams are more than enough, since now a little drizzling small and you can have dams in your room. People now have indoor fish farms in their bedrooms, and so our fishermen are now out of jobs.
Senior Opupulepu, news has broken out that the gods and ancestors Abrantie Djanie Infant I-Know consulted over Alhaji One Touche’s issue have all returned a vote of confidence in our man. Meaning, he does not own a sack to even put a cat in, let alone the whole Great Leopard. Meaning, all that occurred in the cine Alhaji Tiger Nuts produced were cartoons and not real. So all are advised to hurry and locate this fake Alhaji to collect their money before another Ramadan ends.
The question is did Alhaji One Touche visit the Shrine of Big Comebacks in Ant Field? Because, as for this come-back, I have never seen-saw some before.
I am Dan, oh sorry let me come back and say it well, I am Done!