Dear Senior Opupulepu, How do you do? I hope you are do fine. In fact, I too I am do fine, well, well. Senior, have you heard the latest in town? The Umbrella Concert Party was at it again. During what was supposed to be a peaceful socialisation activity of a private political party inside lot-casting to pick the one to hold its flag in the next lot casting for the next omanhene, Onaapowura, the ex-Omanhene, displayed a sample of what he meant by boot-for-boot, by visiting sheer violence on his co-asafoatsemei.
Senior…hmmmm…if this is only meant as shadow-boxing, then the Elephant people should stand and stand well, because what is coming is for them.
Senior, the line up in the seven man race was as follows: Ask-and-Ask Again was number one from the top, then Noodles Dean was second. Next was the great Onaapowura Odenehu Ontia-Obiara, after him came Sly the Fox, Spirogyra, Goosy-Goosy Gander, and Alladin in that order. It was an all-family matter, but as you know of what happened recently, the Umbrella People’s interpretation of peace talks, peaceful negotiations, and amicable reconciliation can be a way of transforming humans into ghosts, to say the least.
Senior, the way Onaapowura wore construction site boots to the show was not fair kuraaa. You see, those kind of boots, with hard steel in front to prevent the toes from been crushed, yes, those one some. And the referee looked aaaaaah, and decided that the ex-Omanhene was appropriately dressed for the occasion, while the others were in either Charlie-wote, torn canvas shoes, or even bare footed.
Senior, immediately the lot-casting rituals begun, Odenehu just booted his own brothers left, right and center. People saw that Odenehu was very angry, and wondered why he should give anger an invitation letter to this solely family affair. Some suggested that his mind was making him like he was competing against the Great Leopard again for the third time.
He won the first one, after a certain judge, Prince William, Son-of Atugu, declared that never, in the whole of ewiasi, and even, in fact, in the Heavens above and hell below, has a leader in a lot casting contest been dislodged in court. He even went on to say that even though the law said lot casting supervisors must thumb-print the result paper at the lot-casting kiosks before leaving the scene, he, Prince William Son-of Atugu, felt they could go without thumb-printing and further change the composition of the lot casting to give the true reflection of the wishes of the people, because most lot casters just cast lots by heart without thinking.
During the last contest, Odenehuni, the Great Leopard, who does not fear death, did not throw any blow throughout the bout, but ducked and taunted Odenehu, who was so exhausted and was seeing two-two, three-three and praying the Lord is my Shepherd backwards and singing MyLord Deliver Daniel sideways, and in such a severe state of confusion and pandemonium of the mind, he signalled the referee on many occasions to stop the fight, but the referee did not see, for she was applying pancake on her face, and lipo-lipo on her lips, throughout the fight.
Senior, the kind hearted Great Leopard decided to wipe out sweat on Odenehu’s forehead, and he used that opportunity to fall down poom and collapsed, like I mean fainted. If the referee would not stop the fight, he would do so himself.
It took him like three moons to come round, and when he did, he thought he was still the Omanhene and decided to continue sleeping in the palace.
This very humiliating defeat has been paining Odenehu very hard, for he said if the Great Leopard had thrown a heavy punch and he blacked out, it could have preserved his dignity and pride among all women, concubines and prostitutes.
Senior, the anger, Odenehu invited into the family affairs was two-fold, to put into practice what he intended to do to the Great Leopard when they meet again, and also to teach his own brothers a big lesson, because they were making too much yaabi-yaabi and insulting him, instead of telling the Umbrella people how they can beat the Great Leopard, and beat him well.
You see, Senior, on his path, Odenehu was only attacking our Omanhene, and in a way explaining to the Umbrella people what he can do worse during lot-casting to become Omanhene again, and making his people believe that they have the power to even shoot and kill each other, and no one can do them teeee.
Senior, the one that pained Odenehu most, was his own cousin, Ask-and-Ask Again, who was a Catholic boy. But, instead of singing from CH 111, My God loves me to express to man how God loves him, he went revealing some dead family secrets about Odenehu, and saying he was not fit to rule Ogyakrom, because he wet his bed every night until he was fifty…woaaa look, it is fair? I did not say it!
Then, possessed by some spirit, which was not the Holy Spirit, he decided to reverse all that Yesu Christus did when he walked the earth as one of us.
While Yahweh’s Beloved Son restored the dumb, the blind and the lame to normal living, Ask-and-Ask condemned them to perpetual dumbness, blindness and lame-ness.
What made him lose most fans was when he went on to change ogoglo into water to tell Yesu that if He can change water into wine, he, Ask-and-Ask Again, can reverse the process, and this he did. This was the unthinkable. You know, the Umbrella people like drinking hot-hot, for if they drink pure water they will fall sick. So, when this too known guy man changed all alcohol into water, they decided to show him. Senior, please, don’t go describing the UCP people as drunkards, I never said so. I only said they drink and do not get drunk, they rise and fall no more. Call them drunkards and you will be on your own…yoooo.
As for Odenehu, he proved to his brothers that play is ground, agoro enifom, and did them basa-basaa, manya-manya, as if they were flies inside Raid spray.
Senior, in the end, none of them could even squat, let alone stand, for the fall of man came upon Aladdin, whose bright face lost its shine; upon Ask-and-Ask Again who asked the referee what happened; upon Goosy-Goosy Gander who did not know where to wander; upon Spirogyra who was taken out of moisture and dried in the sun; upon Sly the Fox who was beaten up well, well in his bedroom, with all his wives, girlfriends, and children around, and upon Noodles Dean who, I hear, is now going full time into noodles business and quitting polytricks for good.
But, Senior, if Onaapowura is your friend, remind him that the stick they used to whip Takyi, is used to whip Baah, for if insulting your co-competitor can make one lose in lot casting, then he should know his fate by now in the next Ogyakromian lot-casting. Senior, he has been always insulting the Great Leopard, and what happened to Ask-and-Ask Again and the others will happen to him during the next village lot-casting. And tell him that the bare foot of an Elephant can crush any metal, so as for boot, it will be no contest. And, this time, his name would be wiped out from the births and deaths register of the Umbrella Concert Party.
As for me, I am Dan, sorry I am Done.
It is Me.