Letter to Snr. Opupulepu (36)
Dear Senior Opupulepu, they say “hmmmmmm.” In fact, the Umbrella Concert Party never ceases to amaze mankind. Senior….oh… sorry ooooh, I forgot to greet. How do you do? I hope you are do fine, just as I am also do fine.
Senior, they say hmmmm…. In fact, our forefathers, or is it four fathers, said when your next door neighbour’s beard catches fire, do not stand there mocking him, but draw near to a well and make sure that immediately the fire locates your GPS location, it will have to fight water first.
The elders are also said to have said that “make somebody else’s something good and your something too, will be good.”
Senior, less than one moon ago, a mini lot casting took place to replace a certain Municipal Police who Yahweh called to climb upstairs to be appointed into a higher office. His locality is called Ayaa West Akoko Hill, and some people lined up to be lot cast for the vacant position of Municipal Police.
During the lot casting, some strange strangers visited the area, and by the mere look at their faces, all the children took flight. Women started shivering and passing blood even long before their time, while men who thought they were men, remembered how good it was when they were babies and wet their pants, so they did just that.
The members of the Umbrella Concert Party (UCP) accused the ruling Elephant Concert Party (ECP), which is the same royal house of which the Great Leopard, Nana Odinihuni was born into, of deliberately bringing in Kaakamotobi to scare away people from the lot casting pot, so that they can secretly stuff lots in like how old men stuff their nostrils with snuff.
In fact, during the pandemonium, many were those who sustained injuries, and they blamed it on those strange strangers. A certain hunter made matters worse, when in his state of fearfulness, he accidentally and incidentally pressed the trigger and a resounding sound “Kafu-gben!” polluted the calmness of the morning atmosphere. To this day, that hunter has declared not to hunt again, and he is now learning how to fish, fish in the lagoon.
Senior Opupulepu, this small incident, which accidentally took place, was over-blown, exaggerated, and spiced with more than a pinch of salt. The UCP leaders went straight to make sure that everybody in Ayaa West Akoko Hill pointed his or her fingers at the palace where the Great Leopard resides.
Leading the crusade was the ex-Omanhene, Onaapo-wura Odeneho Ontiaa-Obiara. He was in the stiffest competition of his life, in that several asafo groups within the Umbrella Concert Parties have vowed that, they as kingmakers, will not make him have it easy, even if he would be again chosen to lead the UCP in the next Ogyakrom lot-casting festivals, for he has been over-pampered too much in the past, and given victories on silver platters.
During the last lot casting festival, Odeneho, who had been concerting all along, believed victory was his, even in defeat, because he thought comfortably leading from the bottom has the same value as leading at the top. Disaster struck the Umbrella Concert Party, and they were like sheep without a shepherd. Many where those who blamed Odeneho, and thus many asafo groups have rallied behind their choice of asafoatsemei, so, suddenly, names like Aladdin, Ask-and Ask Again, Sly Fox, Spirogyra, Goosy-Goosy Gander and some other numerous chosen ones sprang up.
Senior Opupulepu, even in such stiff opposition, Odeneho had time to mess around. He went to the Opera Cinema palace and bought front seat tickets for some of community heads of villagers who are not from Ogyakrom, and showed them some documentary on what happened during the mini lot-casting. He had the wrong footage which he pretended not to know, and when the documentary was made public, guess who screamed “Awam?” Ex-Apostle Bankye Cherry-Martins Agya Koo, yes, Bankye Agya Koo (not the comedian) bellowed and screamed that Odeneho is a sakora faced liar when he said those asafo people dancing azonto were at his brother’s funeral. He swore that the death of his younger brother was still paining the family that they decided that no singing or merry-making was allowed till on his twelfth moon.
Senior, just there and then, a certain first cousin and a certain senior brother of a certain late assistant copra of the Thief Slappers Association, claimed that the cine Odeneho showed was at the funeral of their beloved, and the officers and men dancing rough, rough were his colleagues. In fact, that is how thief slappers dance when they catch a thief and are about to slap him. So they called Odeneho a lie-lie man, can you margin? A whole ex-Omanhene called a liar twice in a day, in fact, people do not respect these days.
Senior, since Odeneho will not listen to anybody, hence his title Ontia-Obiara, he pretended nothing happened and so he organised and executed a grand meeting of all who mattered in the UCP to assemble without fail, and they did without fail at a certain place in the hamlet called Osei’s Town to plan how peacefully they can convince all Ogyakromians to lot-cast the UCP to power, by first beating every Elephant with clubs and crowbars, just to register how peaceful they can be.
Senior Opupulepu, when you are born and bred on konkonte, you will forever cherish and believe it is the best meal in the whole of ewiasi, and that those who have not eaten konkonte before are missing something. So it is when you are brought up in violence, that quality will follow you all the days of your life.
So, during the deliberation on how to appear the most peaceful, peace-loving, meek and humble concert party, all the gurus were seated. Mosquito General Asi-Aduke Nkatie, and, as usual in his mufti; Uncle Sammy the Begoro-Burger was squatting in his respectful chair.
And then, Senior, it happened; someone decided to prove that he was bullet-proof, so he must be made to lead the peace delegation to beat some sense into the Elephants. So another one took his ti-abrofe gun and aimed at the bold man, and fired, kafu-gben…kafu-gben. The bullet-proof man was immediately transformed into ghost, and come and see speed. Mosquito-General took a tactical retreat to call for reinforcement, because, on hearing kafu-gben, he thought Togbe Xornametor was at it again, for he and Togbe are no longer paddies. The peace discussions turned out into a demonstration of how one can escape gunshots.
But, Senior, here are people who claim the Elephants are violent, and, meanwhile, they themselves are violent, even upon and unto themselves. To look in your brother’s eyes and kafu-gben him is beyond understandingment. At least, the Elephants will prove they identified an enemy so they attacked; but you to identify a fellow brother and kill him…hmmmmm…I am not understand.
I think I should be Dan by now, sorry, I am Done.
It is Me.