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Letter to Snr. Opupulepu (35) OUR FEMALE GLADIATORS ARE CHALLENGED

botchway February 16, 2019

Dear Snr Opupulepu, how do you do? As for me, if not for anything, I will say I am not do, but I am do fine. Senior, in fact, I chop the Great Leopard, Odinihuni, self-pain, and, this time, I do not care if you make konkonsa and tell him. However, if you do, know how you say it, because if he gets angry pe, you are on your own. As for me, we have never met before.
You remember the other day when I complained about the Great Leopard, when he opened his mouth like a parade commander giving command and went to say at the recent durbar of all villages that life in Ogyakrom is like a kola-nut in a toothless mouth? And also, when he brought in those toy helicopters christened drones? As for the drones, I do not want you to remember your pains, I am sorry.
You see, Senior, this is my worry. When Odinihuni mentioned kola-nut pe, then a certain female gladiator from the Umbrella Concert Party, Anna (Bisi) Kola-nut, thought her name was submitted at the durbar for some award, and so started making noise so that in case her GPS location is googled, she can be located fast.
Anna Kola-nut came out to say that those toy helicopters were, in fact, men in metal clothing and not just any kind of men, but satyromaniacs, peeping-toms, pimps and porn producers.
She claimed and swore that these drones go from bath house to bath house looking out only for women bathing. They will then take pictures of these women, print them out, and do their version of a beauty pageant to find out the beautiful, the ordinary, and, excuse me to say, the kakamotobi scary face and body.
Anna Kola-nut went on and swore and claimed that these drones, with the aid of their eyes, will feast well, well on the beautiful women. She advised all women, especially the beautiful ones, to bath in their bedrooms with all windows shut and blinds drawn. However, she advised that the ugly ones bath publicly, so that when the drones make any attempt to cut their photos, their lenses with crack.
Those who want their mountains and valleys and gorges to be seen on ewiasi porn sites could go ahead and disregard her advice, she warned.
Senior Opupulepu, many were those who insulted Anna Kola-nut well, well that it affected her great grandparents’ grandparents in the life hereafter. But, lo and behold, this gladiator knew what she was talking about.
One fine morning, she decided to bath for the first time this year, not that she does not like bathing but she was very wary of these drones, and join her family and friends on a demonstration against Odinihuni’s rule of law, as far as mini-lot casting is concerned. When Anna Kola-nut entered the public bath house, she forgot how to bath due to the long time since she last bathed. She was confused as to whether to start washing from toe upwards or from sideways. She had to google into the Courtesy for Boys and Girls website and read from the amendment page called How to Bath, and she was unaware that one of the drones had spotted her.
Senior, you see, that drone was an aggressive type and it silently followed every step she took in the bath house, scrubbing upstairs and downstairs in the lady’s chambers. Not satisfied with the pictures it had taken, and for the fact that Anna Kola-nut is a beautiful beauty, the drone wanted to make full use of the opportunity it had, and went all out.
The drone was with her in her bedroom when she was pancaking her face and powdering her armpits and down below at the something. The drone was there when she put on her bola jeans shorts and jeans longs, and stepped out to join the demonstration.
Still not satisfied, this drone followed her into the crowd and finally took a last shot at that area into between her two departments that supply dairy products to her children at the time they were young enough to take over their father’s right of provocatively revising how he used to feed when he was a baby.
Senior Opupulepu, it was only this picture that went viral, and oh, dear me, dear you, sons of Adam started feasting on it and remembering things. This is not good at all, in fact, this is treason. But in this village laws are meant to be broken and trespassing into someone’s private privacy property is all we sabi do. When the ex-Obrempong Asomdwehene Atadwe-Milk said we should learn to chop our house matter, some people said they have not heard.
Shame unto humankind; shame unto Koo Darkie; always thinking wrong thinkings, but thinking such thinkings are right thinkings. Some men got charged up so much on high when they viewed that picture that it was their wives, concubines, girlfriends and prostitutes that suffered. They claimed they have seen the under of her something, even though it was all about upstairs.
But the truth is Anna Kola-nut was only wearing a special kind of bulletproof breastplate and underwear to protect her most precious things, since these days bullets are posted around with no forwarding addresses. She shouted to all and sundry saying: “…..SHAME…..S-H-A-EMU-E…..SHAME!!!”
As disappointed Ogyakromians, who were hoping to get the most out of Anna Kola-nut’s picture, were getting back to their senses, noise broke up in the village square that another female gladiator had woken up from sleep and bellowed, saying that, “Verily, Verily and Amen, Amen, I say to you all Ogyakromians, all widows are vampires!” But what could make someone think stupid like this?
Senior Opupulepu, then news came out that the one saying that stupid nonsense was our one and only Ama Chavez, the female boxer who out punched, out boxed, and out beat a certain bold and tough young man called Sam-Sam Ato.
This rather strong man, who could bring political giants to their knees, was torn to shreds by Ama Chavez, and knocked down in just three minutes of boxing, that after he recovered from more than seven moons in intensive care at a fetish doctor’s shrine, he re-outdoored and re-named himself to Baby Ba. Yes, he decided that it was safe to associate with women, hence, he is now called Baby Answer Ba.
Ama Chavez is saying that all widows are vampires, something I completely not understand, and even though I am not agree to this statement, who am I, or is it who I am? Anyway, whatever, who be me that’s better to go and find out from Ama Chavez what exactly she meant that all widows are vampires. The fact that she is not a widow does not mean she can proclaim all widows as vampires. If she is speaking about widows in her family, she should let us know so that we direct the morning sun rays to their GPS locality. Foolish nonsense, and let her know I said this. In fact, let me insult her from a safe distance: her stupidity supreme.
I hear Ama Chavez, who is now very ancient of age, is training for a slot in the Ogyakrom Boxing Squad for the next Ewiasi Oly-Oly Gbogbo fun games. And who can stop a determined wounded lioness. Ama Chavez has arrived, and for me, I do not want to cross her path and stupidity, so I am Dan, sorry, I am Done for now.
It is Me.

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