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Letter to Snr. Opupulepu (34) Apartheid West Aflica, Welcome GH!

botchway February 9, 2019


Dear Snr. Opupulepu, I hope you and the family are all do fine. As for me and my house, we are do fine.

Snr, you know that some habits die hard and some sicknesses can never be eradicated. A disease like hunger, no matter how effectively you treat it by eating to the fullest, will, by all means, come back again to afflict you.

You remember that sometime ago in one of the villages down south, I mean that village where their asafo song goes like “Moko mi shikelewele ye Aflika…” Yes, that village that before, before only birds of the same feathers are gathered together, and they dwelled in a sort of “united we fall, divided we stand” kingdom in a rule they christened Apartheid.

This form of rule demanded that all monkeys must play by sizes, and, thus, if you are short, you move and eat with short people; if you are tall, the same; if you are dark you move and eat with dark people, and if you are oflii, you only mix with the light skinned. If you are a thin leygeyas single one, you abide with all single ones, and if you are fat, you stand with all obolos.

It is this that the whole amansan thought and said that it is not fine, because someone who is so thin with bony and difficult buttocks can gel well, well with someone with a Hajia Fati-like behind.

So the Mi Shi Kelewele villagers, one fine day, in a very fine moon, gathered together and killed and purged this disease called apartheid out of their system. Soon after, you can see the thin and skinny sitting on the same seat in a bus sandwiched between two fatty obolos and gasping for oxygen.

Senior, this disease called apartheid has all sorts of complications. For example, you cannot spy into the face of a beautiful girl who is not in your class; you are not supposed to eat fufu and ampesi if you not an Akan, and komi ke shito was only for the Gas; and even in education, stupid students were restricted to attend only stupid and uneducated schools, while wise ones attended wise and educated schools.

Yes, these and many more are the harmful effects of apartheid. And all villages located within the Obibini district assembly vowed that never should any village allow this disease to breakout in its inside.

It used to be called Apartheid Saph Aflika, and we thought it was gone for good, but habits die hard, and apartheid has vowed never to be extinguished on the Obibiman landscape, for just recently, the chief letter writer of our Umbrella Concert Party, the general who has no army uniform, our one and only Mosquito General Asi-Aduke Nkatie, opened his mouth too soon to put into the public domain the cardinal manifesto of his concert party, that they will impose on all Ogyakromians, if woe betides all men and women and people of age, that if they do not know and do not know, and cast lots in favour of that concert party, so that the next Obrepong will come from their gate, then we should stand and stand well.

That immediately their man squats on the throne and the back of Odinihuni the Great Leopard is located on the GPS, they will put into law and implement in public a more dangerous form of apartheid called the segregation of sexes.

Asi-Aduke Nkatie is saying that from that time in the imaginable future to forward to go, only men and women in their individual concert parties should meet and travel to Suhum-Sawam.

The Mosquito-General could not understand how come all the very beautiful fairer sex within his party, and who are also filled with fertilisers, that make them very fertile, will let themselves loose to be snatched in fishing nets by the men from the Elephant Concert Party.

To him, productivity in his party has dropped sixty per cent below amansan average, meaning, before, before when six pikins are born to the party every moon, now only half a pikin is born in a moon.

They studied aaaaaah and found out the problem. The only women available for productivity are not only unappetising, but they are not fertile, so no matter how hard their men try, still, nothing is gained.

As it is looking now, by the current statistic while the whole population in the Umbrella Concert Party goes up by six persons every twelve moons, the Elephant Concert Party is increasing and multiplying by six thousand persons per twelve moons. The Umbrella Concert Party is slowly dying.

So, to put a brake to this, a form of apartheid called the segregation of sexes will be implemented in full force across the village.

Senior Opupulepu, there is going to be Apartheid Wes Aflika, or simply Apartheid GH, soon, that is, if we play loose and forget ourselves and install our next Obrepong from the Umbrella family.

Senior Opupulepu, can you imagine the confusion, the calamity, and the disaster that will explode in our faces when this apartheid is made to spread in Ogyakrom? Do you remember those your days when you were you, when a beautiful lass caught your eyes and you followed her to her father’s farm and cleared the weeds, and carried her load to outskirts of the village before putting it on her head; when you really and truly did not care about how wild her father was, because love is stronger than fear? Do you remember those days when you never used to like taking your bath until you perceived your alomo is around your GPS area, and you forcibly rush yourself into the bathroom and bath by water by force?

You went through all these miseries and torture, because of free choice of love.

Now the Mosquito-General Asi-Aduke Nkatie is telling us that soon, and very soon, we are not going to see the king, but see something new and regret it.

Senior Opupulepu, our woes will not be over, because I managed to get the whole Apartheid Document composed by the Umbrella Concert Party. Please do not let this out, because, if you do, the one who let me on with the information will be in deep trouble. So please, promise to burn this letter after you read it.

It is this…hmmmm… it is that the ultimate is that all of Ogyakrom will be under a sort of bee reproduction policy. Asi-Aduke Nkatie and his party will select from carefully selected men and women based on good looks, strength, and intelligence, and make them only breed the next generations of the Ogyakromians. Before anyone would be qualified, he or she must have all three, so in your case, that you are very intelligent but not strong, and also not good looking, you will not qualify. Woe betides anyone who is not qualified to breed, and yet found to be trekking to Suhum-Sawam, the man, in this case, will be castrated. Either you and I, and others like us, leave town or we forever live like eunuchs when the Umbrella Concert Party comes to power with Apartheid GH.

Please remember to destroy this letter, for I am Dan, sorry I am Done.

It’s Me.

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