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All that Jazz about a Widow and Chalk

botchway August 3, 2018

Letter to Snr. Opupulepu (18)

 

Hmmmm! Dear Snr. Opupulepu, Hmmmm, I hope you are do fine. As for me and my house we are all do fine.

Senior, hmmmm, this Ogyakrom is not without news even after the school children sing the closing hymn for the day, Now the Day is Over… I know you are now too old to remember those lovely lyrics of that song.

Senior, I hope you remember the ex-deputy Omanhene, the Original Swaggerman, Nana Come-Fight Amiss Actor.

Don’t be confused about the abrofo names he had even as a chief. From the Half-Tear clan he came from, the clansmen there have been given dispensation by the Living Yahweh to possess, acquire, adopt and even usurp abrofo names.

Names like Evanston Johnson Wilberforce Holdbrook Blanketson esquire are very common. And it goes for their ladies, also.

Now take this; a certain Miss Rhodaline Peterson gets married to Mr. Bloomfied Arthur-Johnson. She would insist she is called Mrs Rhodaline Peterson-Arthur-Johnson. Down along the line, their daughter Margaret-Rose Peterson-Arthur Johnson gets married to a certain Emmanuel Daniel-Mensah from a noble Akyem hamlet, Margaret-Rose will officially become Mrs Margaret-Rose Peterson-Arthur-Johnson-Daniel-Mensah.

For lack of space and time, I will not go into what their daughter will be called if she marries a certain Thomas Aquafield Batholomew-Olivant-Andrewson.

Nana Amiss Actor is also called Uncle P.K. I guess by now you remember, him.

I do not know whether it was because he was named after that celebrated chin-gum that was why people from his own concert party and those without, could chew him like chin-gum, by heart, by heart.

The Umbrella Party has problems with deputy omanhenes, for when Nana Ontia-Obiah was a deputy Omanhene, under Asomdwehene Nana Yohannes Van Mills, he was mistreated by the Tanyigbe Akupa, Cock de Bull who propounded the new physics law of comfortable lead, where the more you are chopping last, the more you imagine you are leading first.

In the beginning was Togbe Amekeadziavu aka Togbe Peace-Pefect Peace who threw peace to the winds and beat up his deputy, Nana Intention Arch the reason been that he jealous the man’s obroni wawu suit which he gladly tore up to shreds. Under Nana Ontia-Obiah, Wofa P.K. came and had his share, where on one instance his driver was ordered to go and park his master’s car in the public lorry park nearby to implement the I-care-For-You genes in the Umbrella People.

Worse of all the Umbrella People forgot and put the then Obaahema Low Ranger besides her hubby in a campaign photo to make it look as if she was her hubby’s driver’s mate during the immediate past lots casting.

Now this Uncle P.K. has gone ahead of the Great Onaapo to prepare a place for him in his Father’s kingdom, so there was a farewell party.

At the celebrations to befittingly send Nana Come-Fight on the journey of zero-return, his wife Obaapanin Mati-Mati or Auntie I-Have-Heard-Before in her farewell speech, abused and descended on perceived enemies of her husband.

She was not understand why they should even appear at the farewell party and weep more than members of the bereaved family. She went on with litany of wrongs such people did to her my-boy-lollipop making him feel at one time that he was the most insignificant deputy omanhene in the history of all creation. At one point she almost charged at the perceived enemies to create, loot and share a couple of slaps or more, since we are in the slapping season, ask Freddy (not the Blay) de Bull de La Scalla.

After she had finished, Nana Come Fight’s wife sat down and continue cursing even in the chapel. Luckily no angel was around to make konkonsa to the Living Yahweh the Most High, like mankind go see something.

Auntie I-Have-Heard-Before’s comments were not necessary for in politricks, the main occupational hazard is to be insulted especially by people who don’t count.

The Umbrella Concert Party people were overjoyed saying that Obaapanin Mati-Mati, was actually referring to the Elephants in her farewell speech to her hubby. Only to be notified that the Obaapanin was seen making very romantic atuuu to the Elephants, instead of sitting with arms folded as culture demands.

In fact widows were not supposed to speak at the farewell celebrations of their deceased hubbies or go to see the exact spot where the spouse is committed to soil from soil.

Senior, I know that people from this Half-Tear clan have been giving the dispensation by the Living Yahweh to violate some of our culture norms. For instance while all Ogyakromians’ breakfast at dawn are meals like kenkey, fufu, ampesi, waakye, banku (not the Bukom), akple, gari and beans and anything heavy, the Half-Tear clan will drink plain hot water diluted with a spot of goat milk and a communion wafer size slice of bread with a flat spread of pig meat or a thin spread of fruit puree like strawberry, raspberry, gooseberry, henberry, yoryi, atia, alugutungui, mango, orange, pink, blue, brown etc. Because the puree jams the bread they call it jam, can you imagine? What kind of human beings are they? They consume almost nothing in the morning yet they can work pepepe.

The Living Yahweh did not add mourning rites to be dispensed off, so what Obaapanin Mati-Mati did was to remind us of how controversial she can be.

Remember when her hubby was deputy omanhene, she was invited by some teachers to a hamlet called Mekukrua Mentumi to help address their grievances.

When she arrived at the hamlet, the head of all the head teachers Abaawa Juliet told her that the schools needed chalks which were in off-season in that part of the village. Auntie I-Have-Heard-Before told her that chalk was not going to come today nor tomorrow. She added that  the teachers should go and get charcoal and take the pupils to the public something and teach them there using charcoal on the white walls. Suddenly the chalks which were to be shipped to that hamlet found their ways into someone’s pocket after they were converted to cowries.

Later this Obaapanin Mati-Mati in defence said she was promoting public-private partnership in education, where teachers must buy chalks from their small pay.

Her outburst at the farewell celebrations of her hubby made some teachers started preparing their tribute for her when her hubby comes to call her to his warm and tender side. Then they will also break culture and openly speak the painful truth about the dead, for all mankind to take note, accordingly.

As for me I was so glad that Wofa P.K, was put in the ground at the new grounds for the assemblification of fantom sojess. His presence there will instil discipline among the unruly sojess. And there, there shall forever be orderliness, respect, peace; I mean real and proper peace perfect peace, not the Captain Chaos’ type.

Senior, let me just continue to say hmmmm and I am Dan, sorry I am Done.

It is Me.

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