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Letter To Snr. Opupulepu (7) “The Assemblification Of The Fantom Sojess In The Bush”

botchway May 11, 2018

Commonsense with Daniel Dugan

Dear Snr. Opupulepu, how do you do? As for me, by the grace of God, I am do fine.

Ermmmm…. Senior, I hope you are covered by the Precious Blood of Jesus, because I am going to talk about a worrying situation of fantoms, and not just any fantom at all, but fantom sojess, which is wrongly written in books as phantom soldiers.

Senior, I am sure you are aware that huuhuuhu things can happen in the dark, as well as in the bush. My alleged senior uncle, twice removed, wrote in his Abosam Fireman episodes that during your youthful days you took girls behind the village classroom block in the dark hours of the night, and when you attempted to do the something and they wanted to resist, you told them, “Your father is not here, your mother is not here!” He did not exactly mention your name, but one of the akupas he talked about most in this nocturnal operation fitted your description perfectly. But no offence, my Senior.

He went to say that later, some rich people who do not know how to make use of money, decided to place this condition of your-father-is-not-here your-mother-is-not-here under control environment and called such places discos, or discotheques for short, where you can freely squeeze someone’s daughter because her “parents are not there.” And then another one went abroad, and instead of buying wapi and abrochi asana, he brought down this your-father-is-not-here your-mother-is-not-here on wheels. I mean disco-on-wheels.

And he rightly posed a vital question that if you were in a queue with your Sweetie-Sweetie-Muah-Muah to join this dark-screened bus, and as soon as she steps in, the mate flags that the bus is full, with you still standing outside, what will you do? Anything can happen between the station and where your girl will get down.

You are also aware how things can happen in the bush, and worst of all in the bush when it is dark. This is where I have a serious issue. You know the bush road from Teshie through Tse-Addo through the back of the soldier camp, through to either the Spintex Road or to the La-37 Road. You remember that bush path where some people hunted field mice and lizards, but had to be painted black with coal tar by the ex-former Ogyakromhene, Onaapo-wura Odeneho Ontieh-Obia I, without the express approval of the Mankralo and assemblyman, but filled with the hope that the kingmakers would bless him with another term as Ogyakromhene. Unfortunately, by tarring that road, he made all the mice and lizards to migrate to Burkina Faso, affecting the pastime of the kingmakers, who now hope the new Ograkromhene will not do anything stupid like constructing modern roads. If the White man hunts partridges for fun, why can’t the Black man also hunt mice and lizards for fun? They would rather prefer signboards “Mice and Lizards Crossing, Walk Carefully;” “No Unauthorised Hunting!”

Senior Opupulepu, due to the mistake Odeneho Ontieh-Obia I made, plush houses are springing up like mushrooms in the bushes. I was hoping that this uncivilization of the bush would be halted, and I was about to call on the non-governmental organisations (NGOs) to make sure this stops, when I witnessed, as if in a vision, another vast portion of vegetation grazed off the surface of the earth with magnificent gates constructed. I said, “maybe there is going to be a sports stadium here.”

Senior, I was shocked to find an expensive signpost identifying the place as a burial ground…yes! burial ground…I mean cemetery. In fact, our SP must hear about the cost of this signboard, for we need the answers, and heads must roll.

Senior, it is not a cemetery for those pray-for-me-pray-for-me pastors, but for the highest category of the licensed-to-kill personnel in the system, the bow and arrow professionals; yes, the sojess, I mean soldiers or military for short. That place is now an assembly ground for dead soldiers; yes! constructed with the lampoo payers money for the full assemblification of fantom sojess

Whoever thought of this has done a great disservice to this God bless-our-homeland, Ghana. You see, you need to put these ex and dead bow and arrow professionals where symbols of authority are; like where they lay now at Osu: Office of the President Annex, the Parliament House and Osu Castle are nearby, not forgetting that Apostolic Church, where the members pray for these fallen men and women to forever lay at attention in the peace perfect peace of the Lord.

You see, soldiers respect authority and they can be very disciplined with authority around. However, left alone in the bush, and/or in the dark, in the general-is-not-here, the commander is not here kind of blackness, anything can happen. Remember that of all the major successful coups in this country, three occurred in the dark. The fourth, which was December 31, had to be done in the day, and for a very good reason. The architect, Togbe Xornametor I or Captain Chaos, is very bright in complexion and can glow very brightly in the dark, like those who do paragliding with brooms at night. Please I am not saying he is one of them, yoooo. Remember he is a Catholic, and Catholics do not do such sports. And yes, it is speculated that he does not take Holy Communion any more. But there is a good reason here also. When he was a mass server during his days at St. Joseph’s Adabraka, he nicodemously consumed more than his life time quota of the Precious Body and Blood of Jesus, so he does not need to go for Holy Communion any longer. His sins have all been forgiven and he has been asked to “go and seen in a Communion line no more.”

So, when Papa Jay, aka Captain Chaos, attempted the May 15, 1979 coup in the dark, he was easily seen glowing brightly and was quickly arrested to curb the coup.

So, for December 31, 1981, he struck when the sun was high, and since the sun outshone him, no one noticed what he was about until he finished it. The guy is smart.

Sojess under no defined authority can behave dangerously. Remember the early days of June 4, when the rod and staff sergeants, the javelin and lance corporals and other buga buga rank-less bow and arrow personnel enjoyed a little air of freedom, did what pleased them. Some could seize cars and taught themselves how to drive on our busy streets.

Remember we used to call them zombies, but the thing they did to us after June 4 made the word disappeared from any dictionary, electronic or manual, in Ghana. Now that they have become zombies for real, with no command of authority, can you imagine what would happen on that road?

Senior, I wish they will lay at attention in their tombs and not at ease as they were. On the other hand, since this cemetery is near the airport, these fallen soldiers must board any plane and go peace-keeping abroad never to come back again; unless that!

I am Dan, sorry, I am Done.

It is Me.

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