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Letter to Snr. Opupulepu (5) They say Hmmmmm!!!

botchway April 9, 2018

Dear Snr. Opupulepu, they say Hmmmmm! Remember when we were in school and you gathered we, the juniors, and taught us some philosophy, that if you know you are handsome but people call you ugly, just say hmmmm and keep your mouth shut, for they may have some ulterior motive. Just as well when you know you are ugly, to the extent that you cannot look at yourself twice in the mirror, and yet, people claim you are the most beautiful, please, do not ever go boasting and bragging about, just say hmmmmm and keep your mouth shut, for all you know, they have very evil intentions.
Now, whenever people say you are, and you know you are, also do not boast about it when it is something good but accept the commendation in humility and walk away gently, so that when one day you slip, people will gladly lift you up.
Just as well when people accuse of something they think you did wrong and you know you actually committed that act, just accept it in humility and shut up, because if you deny it and one day you are caught filifili, the embarrassment and the disgrace shall take permanent residence in you and in your family for tens of generations to come.
Snr. Opupulepu, I want to draw your attention to something which I thought I heard during the past weeks, by referring to this your philosophical teachings your regularly gave us in school when you took time off, searching for your missing two-inch (5cm) pencil.
No Snr, it has nothing to do with that so-called journalist who wants to be famous, so he keeps publishing my private letters to you. I later found out that he is not a journalist at all. He just packs stories and arranges them for publishing. He is a labourer in the industry.
Sorry Snr, where am I? Yes, do you remember what happened in Ghana in 1992? Yes, you are right. That was when Ghana went to the polls to decide who should rule this country. And you remember the New Patriotic Party (NPP), the Party of Elephants, walked out of the election of members of the House, because they claimed the National Democratic Congress (NDC) or the Umbrella has done something untoward during the first elections in November?
They claimed that the NDC had gone to India, Mali and Niger, travelled to the land of Benin, or the Inside of the Snake (Dahomey) for short, and across to Haiti for juju to make ballot papers multiply in ballot boxes.
It was so bad that some felt there were gods sitting in the ballot boxes and doing the multiplications.
The NPP had a choice of heading to the courts, but thought it wise not to, because all the judges were scared of Togbe Xornametor I, Captain Chaos, also known in private life as He-Who-Used-To-Be-Obeyed. These custodians of justice remembered how three of the mates who used to sit on benches and pews with them, were teleported into the life hereafter overnight in the manner of doing same to any stubborn goat which was only fit for soup.
So the NPP rather appealed to the Court of Public Opinion, which had more lawyers and judges than the traditional and secular courts. There were more qualified lawyers in the drinking bars than in the legal bars, and they know more law than those citizens who dress like crows and keep cawing, “I put it to you, I put it to you!” NPP produced a non-fiction bestselling book called The Stolen Verdict to bring to the public’s notice the manner in which the NDC stuffed ballot boxes.
But the NDC did not heed sound reasoning, and so came out huffing and puffing and swearing that they attended Sunday schools and knew all the memory verses by heart, and had strict Presbyterian discipline, and had absorbed the strong moral conducts of Catholicism by confessing their sins every day to the priest, so their hearts and souls are always too clean to even commit a venial sin as minimal as thiefing a piece of meat from the soup pot when they are hungry.
So we said hmmmmm….and for ages after we tried our best to allow this verdict stealing to lay rested, even though there were claims that the NDC kept devising new forms of multiplication of ballots, especially in the event that honest and transparent boxes are now in use.
Lo and behold, they say hmmmmm…. In fact, Snr we were told not to start a sentence with in fact, but as for this, I will. In fact, they say the NDC had exported this patented art of multiplying ballot papers to the Saa Loo mountains, and did it so perfectly that, but for the Saa Lonians who wash their faces in the morning with chilli pepper water, rinse them with Parazone, and put ginger in their eyes to be able to see through mountains, nobody would have noticed that something like that had been imported into their country. As for them, they do not chele at all, so cried foul and drove the expatriate importers out of town.
In fact Snr. Opupulepu, they say hmmmmm…. they say a certain ex-president of Ghana was highly involved in the ballots multiplications in favour of a candidate who was his classmate. No, it was not Togbe Xornametor… No, I will not mention any name, but the clue is that this ex-president is from the NDC. And sadly, all of Saa Loo is saying ex-presidents of Ghana are thief-thiefs. Aaooo, how I feel sorry for the Gentle Giant who has never stolen meat from the pot of soup before to even steal pencil and gum (sorry for reminding you of your missing pencil).
And most sadly is that H.E. Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo would one day join the Club of Ex-Presidents of Ghana and be wrongly labelled as a ballot thief whether he likes it or not, because of something his senior member in the Club had done.
Snr, if only the NDC had either kept quiet or apologised when caught stuffing ballot boxes, we would have sent them to Obinim’s church for deliverance and nothing of such a shame would have embraced Ghana. What will happen now to our highly enviable international reputation? As for me I say…hmmmmm!
Thanks, my Snr.
It is Me.

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